Am I excited or what?!?

I'm just lucky to have opened my Blog after such a loooooong time...and guess what?!? I haven't slept yet, but I'm kinda sleepy and not sleepy, hahaha 😆

I Welcome You!

Now this is the updated New Year Greet 😋

New Year! New Beautiful Me 🎉 12/31/15

It's that time again of the year.... That you wait soooo long for and yet with just a blink of an eye, it's here 

(Just discovered @6:16am of Jan 1, 2017 I was not able to post this ! Wooow 😵)

Wake up calls

It's 12:31am... Chinese Gen ICU... Waiting area...

Mom is sent back to the ICU after 5 years from her 1st stroke attack 😔... It happened around 4pm today when dad called to say he's bringing mom to the ER for what seem to be a stroke attack. I can't believe that just a few minutes before that dad said they were getting ready for church 😞.  I was about to leave, myself, for a get together at QC, good thing I have not left yet.

It was odd that I'm worried but wasn't feeling nervous. We just wish we'd knew what caused her attack.

The frustrating part was waiting for them. I got to the ER first because they were stuck in traffic. It was worrying because who knows how long mom can hold onto herself......finally they arrived and mom was like paralyzed on one side, her right arm is folded, and fingers into fist, she couldn't walk so she was carried to the bed. It took her a while in the ER, she still wasn't talking but her feet were responding somehow... Then they decided to admit her to the ICU to observe her first.

It all coming back again.... And this time you only pray that she recovers like the 1st time. My emotions now are at a plateau. I'm worried but no external demonstration. But one thing is for sure, I wish to still spend time with mommy and her to get well.

We're home now

How you loved being a king here, remember? It's a Saturday, our usual time to visit mom and dad and buddy. But right now the house is a mess, we're all sleeping in the living room hahaha. And I'm sure you'll play hide and seek with me, with all the boxes scattered in the other room...oh and you'll surely love mom and dad's room, it's now tiled :)

The kitchen looks safe too, so you can roam around there with lesser roaches there.

Friendship and I went to cartimar to maybe look around, but don't worry no one found me yet. Not sure sometimes if I'm worth to be found. I know in my heart your my number one! Wishing your sleeping with me here now, they've got the aircon on, I know you will love it.

Missing you always 

Goodbye, Silver

I told my friend it will be hard to move around knowing I won't bump into Silver anymore.

I brought him to the Vet yesterday because I saw him swaying whenever he tries to move and relax o the floor. Come to think of it he was just trying to be near me because he would sit or lay every time I would change location. He still wasn't eating or drinking despite the meds he was taking. I tried different food for him to even have a small bite of something, but none was working, I knew I had to look for something else that he'd like. Little did I know that deep inside he was really hurting. He would go to his water bowl, stares at it for a while then rests his chin on the edge of the bowl but not drink. He would still meow, although I know he was just making an effort just to talk to me.... On Saturday morning he even woke me up by jumping on the bed waking me up. 

I guess he really did love me after all. I have so many stories about him, but for sure I'll miss his talkative mouth every single day. I Love You Silver!!!!

Caregiver

It's 6:53am, Sunday, Aug 9... It could have been more days back and I hadn't noticed Silver's ear turning yellow. He's sick, we went to the Vet yesterday and he says it's curable, and hoping his medicine will help him improve his appetite with food and water.

A few months back, almost 1 year ago I said I'd be more active here, documenting my everyday, especially my activities with Silver. Well, now here I am, but all his antics would be stories until he gets well and be back to his sweet self again.

His body was shrinking, I've been noticing it. When I got back last Sunday i noticed he didn't touch his food (I stayed overnight at my mom's house the night before) ....(oh my, just in...7:03am...he went to his water bowl and went for a few drink 😘..and went back under my bed...Bless you my Baby) thank you Lord Jesus,Mama Mary, St Joseph! .... Going back, and he was drinking from the pail in the bathroom. This went on until Friday. I tried hand-feeding him his dry food, he nibble few pellets, only eating what he liked. Then Wednesday evening was the only time he voluntarily got up and ate his food. Thursday was not a good thing. Friday evening I bought wet food, and sampled himself of Shiba, but that's it. 

Then yesterday I just couldn't bear seeing him just laying on the floor, not meowing when I'm about to enter the room, or not brushing beside my legs, or blocking the computer when I'm working... What I mostly couldn't bear is seeing him not eat and drink, that means he's not using the litter box at all! 

He went again for his 2nd sip of water (I got it on video 😄) and tasted his food for a licks (need to work on that today) ....I already gave him his antibiotics and syrup for this morning....Hope before our 2nd syrup intake today he'd ate too 😊 (10:55am)

(Photo not current one)

The coffee that never was...then came bottles of beer

Yes, the coffee that never was....that's what happened last Sunday, I got cancelled! Of courses should I ask? No way! .... I was just so depressed after that and so my work became a mess, I was mess, being disappointed for no apparent reason.

So I didn't messaged him for days, and on the 3rd day I tried. His words sounded like he didn't want to be bothered, so I got paranoid and stopped sending messages.

Now.... This is a long weekend for everyone (it was Labor Days yesterday and Manny's fight) hehe. Anyway, yesterday I was just preparing my stuff to bring home (to lessen my stuff on sat), when I got a viber from him. I was shocked!!! And excited of course. The usual hi-how are you stuff...then came the "do you have plans later "? 😍 hahaha....I didn't know if I should make pakipot or what? So I answered in my most civilized-behaved response....so it was 9pm somewhere ortigas...

I was almost on time but had no luck getting a cab, so when he got to our meeting place he suggested to just pick me up...😉 embarrassing hahaha

I was soo kilig but was trying to be cool...hahaha I don't know if it showed the whole time 😜. We had a few drinks, him -Jack Coke, me-Pale...we were done by 2am and he brought me home.

We just talked random old stuff, and from what I gathered, now he's not into looking or considering, and zero on the sexual aspect (in a respectful way) so after last night I don't know if I was too obvious that i liked him or did he liked me and enjoyed our time... Oh well it's still too early for that... But too bad for me, I already dreamt of him...wahhhh pathetic...

I hope there could become a next meet up....feeling hopeful 😍

Social life ?

I could it sleep. I think it was 5 am something when I finally stood up.

Good morning 😄 It's a Sunday and I'm hoping I could enjoy the day early before the busy week comes.

So what's up with me? Here trying to live up to a promise I made to write in my blog, which I think I have messed up from my netbook hahaha. I had a lot of stuff to tell then I ended up trying to fix my account. Good thing I had it here in my mini iPad...so here I am hahaha

I've been doing a lot of thinking again this weekend, unnecessary stuff I should not be worrying about. 

Since I've been cramped up with work I thought to finally gave in to shoao's suggestion, haha, to try the social media for new friends. I tried one and another trying to check what's up with those apps. I finally swiped one guy who just described himself as 'straight ', and the pictures were cute hahaha, and he's not young 😄....

We chatted through text, talked once, never flirted, and I accidentally invited him first for coffee later. He looked nice, has a good job, plus 1 teenage son and separated. I wasn't feeling that he could like me, I usually initiate good mornings or hi's. I already told Lauren about him, even saw the pictures. She said I should wait for him to make the move.... I know I'm 'alright' as a person, but I guess I don't feel it. 

What could be wrong with me?? I'm always told that it's how I carry myself...ok fine, I'm confident with myself, but its still not attracting the right people....tsk tsk... What could it be?

Later, I'm hoping he would remember, 9:30pm for coffee, talk about me being desperate 😞 ... Let's see what will happen, when it happens 😊

New Year, New Me, New Life

           

This will be A Very Happy Happy New Year!!!!

How'd I wish

Tonight I'm dreading counting the hours I go back to reality.

My brain hasn't stopped thinking since friday; I haven't been eating normally since monday evening...

Right now I'm playing oh-so-relaxed girl, but deep inside I'm not sure how to come of it, but all I know I need to fix my mess fast and soon!!!!!!!

I just hope my teacher reads my email soon. Acid is taking over me, holiday is coming up and stuff just came pilling up, due to my lack or organization and sense  of urgency. 

Now, I pray Lord hear me and help me able to fix this, hopefully with less damage, or no damage at all- if possible only.... Still hoping and praying....

The weekend I hoped never to end

Am trying to lengthen this crochet project I started a few days ago. I've been meaning to do a real project, but seems I only did a few flowers, not much at that, and am not stopping, which is good for my standard.

Another best buddy I have is the cable remote and all the channels I could enjoy...with only a few hours to spare before bye-bye again...

Later will show my other crochet attempts hehehe

Half past year

So far and I have not accomplished anything worthwhile this year...I'm just a big dissappointment to others and to me

Lost

When i'm gone i know i won't be missed, or be noticed that i'm gone.

Just realized that My friends are just few, some are those because of sort of a forced habit, some are aquantances, but those real ones...maybe one or two.

But now Either I'm too proud to ask or to scared to approach, I'm left by myself.

I'm just Lost and Drowning. I'm not worth It. I will not be noticed and no one will care. I'm just a nobody to everybody, an arrogant selfish creature, who can't do good.

The Chick Lit

I dropped by the bookstore one time, and noticed the Chick Lit sign over these romantic/comedy/adult books. It may have been that I haven't been paying attention that there exist such category. It may have there for a while, not sure.

But these books below are product of tedious research from book sales, costing a mere price compared to the new releases. Of course I'd like to have the original copies but there are alternatives :).

I have downloaded lots of ebooks (still some are hard to find, unless you pay of course), but the gadgets are not allowed in the office, so conventional books are still the perfect choice. I'd visit the nearest book sale store or bookstore sale, and find one interesting book, that has this fun graphical cover. I prefer it because for sure the stories are more fun, and I would not look scandalous carrying it in the office.

So one book let to another....then another....and another...

Now even my officemates are borrowing...and maybe soon I could build a library of my own hehehe

Most Recent....3 Day Military Diet

Hi....Again...

There's so much to share...and since it has been long overdue let's start with the most recent one...The Diet

 Day 1: Lunch (Tuna, 1 Whole Wheat bread, Green Tea) 

Day 1: Dinner (Tuna, Tomato, Pear, Banana, Vanilla Ice Cream)  

 Day 2: Dinner (Luncheon Meat, Carrot, Greens, Banana, Vanilla Ice Cream)  

Day 3: Dinner (Tuna, Tomato, Banana, Vanilla Ice Cream)   

Day 3: Breakfast (Egg, Papaya, Crackers)  

Just samples of what I had for 3 consecutive days. It suppose to lose me 10 lbs. (though that would vary, due to my own body composition). I was not suppose to snack in between, or eat anything other than what the list says...But due to the unbearable headache and dizziness plus a friday night out, I had no choice but to cheat a bit).

I did almost gave up, but learned to control and extend my energy. Though I think next time I do this I will make sure I wasn't busy, because for sure I will not function.

So since today was the 4th day I thought I'd reward myself for a nice dinner....

Wasn't sure about the DQ, it supposed to be just vanilla ice cream with garnish hahaha...the calories, gosh...took me a long time to finish it. It melted so I drank the rest of it (hahaha)

Quick Overview

2 separate stays @ Raffles
1 amazing roadtrip to Baguio
1 long weekend @ Tagaytay...resulting to a failed alternator..change of shocks & new car radio
A 3-time Yoga Class
Visit to the OB
MRI scan for my knee
an Overdue Braces adjustment
A 3-Day Military Diet
....and current indulgence with The Piano Guys
....plus numerous chickflick-paperbacks

The Future Me

I have been making myself suffer by thinking I could have a Victoria's Secret model's body...

Hahaha...what an illusion!!!

So I have resolved it already... I will make my goal within my reach.... I'd be just a Marilyn Monroe type...

Journal search

It's the 3rd day of Jan...got back to work, and was in time...thats good 🎉

Now...with the preparation for this busy month I'm in the search for the perfect year's business journal... Never thought it with this challenging to have the perfect one haha...by tomorrow I would know when and what kind would suit me best

This would be exciting 💋

A Hopeful New Year

A promise....

I am to keep my promises !!!!

Hoping for the Best this 2013!!!! For me & for everyone!!!

Forward....and Back

Im at our house. Somehow I couldn't it my home anymore

Why I'm here? Got evicted! Packed my stuff in less than 3hours, oh my, I had a lot of junk!!

I want to go back there, I was offered a deal, but maybe I'll let it simmer for a while... I don't know yet...

Night.... Out

Friday night...out but boring being alone... Will just finish this dinner then get out here, thanks for the wifi though.

A lot happened and today was the only day I'm sort of free and I'm spending it by myself

High tech gadget for an old school girl

My sister just arrived from Canada,after years of working, finally got her 1 month vacation.... And got my itouch too...weeeeeee . Now I have to practice typing qwerty in a touch screen, hahaha

Unexpected_part 1

Guess what? (What?)....

I'm chatting with a priest from Greenbelt...who's in Italy now!!!!!

Turns out it was mistaken identity....But still it was all good, now I have a new friend......

Dream Vaca...Europe

Was watching "Passport to Europe" @ Lifestyle Channel...it reminded me of my friend's sister's invitation to visit Europe... Lucky him he's got a sister who lives there...lucky me if he goes there I could go too...That is if I have the fare. Watching that show made me want to go there!!! .... My dream is to experience Europe and a lot of places, with my dearest bestfriend, have ample time to visit great places and money to buy stuff there and in other places.

I want to go to Europe...I want to travel with my friend and have the funnest time...I wish we could do this soon...

Another...year

The countdown begins in 66 minutes...What will happen? I don't know....Am I excited? Don't know either...Nevertheless.... Happy Birthday To Me!!!!

Mantra: I will not be afraid to go where the universe leads me.

This was my horoscope said about today.

I'd be little scattered - check ; plenty of annoying distractions - check ; moody & unfocused - check ; conflicts etc... check & a lot of check!!!!

This day sucks!... All money concerning surprises...leading to dissecting my whole of me...again. But regardless of how I feel about it, he's right.

I was suppose to go to the gym, hoping to just get it all out this frustration there, but instead I'm here at home. Even lost appetite, I just had to finish the food so I don't to throw it out. Just thirsty.

It feels I just want to sleep on this. After that call with the customer service I felt all lumpy. I've been saving for something important that I'm taking care of but now I'll be short...again. Geez this is never-ending...This has to stop NOW!!! or I can't take it anymore.

:(

Session in Class

It's my 3rd consecutive day at the gym!!!

Yes...finally I got enrolled @ Gold's. WoooHoooo!!! I should have done this a long time ago...but then still glad I'm enrolled now. I tried it last Sunday, hoping to be able to start early. It was kinda weird, I have been in a gym before, and now it felt like the 1st time I set my foot on one. Of course, this one's far more better than the one I used to go to.

It felt intimidating, especially I don't any gym buddy there, and this is the chance to look around, accdg to my dear friend.

So on Sunday, I mistakenly started all exercises for the legs, coz the equipments I can use and easy, like treadmill, step master, bicycle..etc....I ended up having sore thighs down to my feet...What a nice 1st day....hahaha

I don't know if I still have strength to attend the early class for Monday, but I was sooo restless when I slept, my head thinking whether to attend gym class or not...What a paranoid I was!!! hahaha...So I lather myself with mentholated medicated oil Sunday evening (by the way I slept around 9pm-hahaha). Luckily the soreness was gone the next early morning (by the way I woke up @ 5:30am)...

And I decided to try the class, hoping that it was bellydancing, like the guy who told me what Tapless Step was....I took the other entrance, near Haggen Daz...to my surprise the main floor was full of people...I felt kinda embarassed to even stay and try the equipments there so I went straight up the 3rd floor.....And now the class.....the one I thought was belly dancing.

It wasn't...hahaha...it was a step class instead. I tried joining in, a bit following the routine, but avoided the stepping on to the step for much harder dance, so I just mimic them as if I'm dancing hahaha....It didn't stop there, there was a 2nd class which was Gold's mix...and my that really worked me out, esp. the areas that really turned sooo heavy. I'm officially obese, I can't carry myself anymore. All in all I still survived that event.

Today though was unexpected. I'm suppose to be resting my muscles (& fat) today, but since friendship won't be going to the office I decided to try the class @ Intercon for Zumba. I did not anymore use the treadmill or warmed up a bit before or after the class....Super worked out!!! Finally I was sweating!!! The studio was so small that if I extend one hand I'd end up holding hands with the next person..hahaha..That class was fun, embarassing too coz there were other people outside who were watching us, like we were fish in an aquarium. But the class was fun...So next time I'd go there for the next class.

Nytie nyte

In the Heat

My eyes are burning now. It's tired but can't remember why. All I know is I fell asleep in the bus going back to my other office.

Yes...Summer's really here, and fast. Summer and I were not that 'close', all I can remember is that it's the only time we're not in school, but not so much to enjoy frolicking through the whole summer. Anyway, going back to why Summer's getting here fast, during lunch I was on my way to my other office. I know traffic will be bad because the road is getting fixed. But what we saw (me & most commuters) was something we all did not expect. Bumper-to-bumper traffic under the heat of the scorching sun. The aircondition can't hold the heat inside the bus. I think we were in traffic for at least 2-hours for a 30-minute ride during normal days. I had no choice but to walk the few meters away from the building.

-------------------------

What's interesting (before that traffic came into picture) was an FGD I attended with a japanese business woman, who wanted to set up a company here. First time to meet a japanese, and talking with her was enlightening. It was a short time to know her but you know that she has the work ethics, or ethics in general, to follow. She seems sincere, but of course that's for us to find out. Hikedo just came here to do the interview, and will be leaving tomorrow. Talk about research!. I'd like to help her out, before she even starts her business, maybe I'd email her. She seems nice too.

---------------------

Last night I went to Greenbelt to meet up with 'friendship' for dinner, unusual...hhmmmm. They were @ Havana, the only smoking place there, unfortunately, filled with foreigners and "girls". It was crazy there, but in a way I enjoyed that time coz I was observing the girls @ work at a much closer distance. It was weird, but glad I got that chance.

Well, my eyes are really burning now. Wish I could wake up early and get to work early....And it's HOT here....nytie nyte

Suddenly I'm in my Kikay mode. Made my hands green too. Hope it will last for at least 3 days... (oh darn I have to wash clothes tomorrow, goodluck).

Downstairs @ the guard the radio's playing these mushy songs....It' s kinda getting through me. Actually since yesterday I was kind of emotionally sensitive, maybe because I was out the whole day, seeing people have fun altogether, with family or friends or just having a date, while me...by myself.

It was a tiring day...not as fulfilling. I was to buy something from the gc I got, but instead it ended up being for groceries, because the make-up I want is not sold there, only high-end brands...

Well at least I was able to attend church.

I'm having my very first Chips Ahoy! for how many years!!! Maybe I'm just to stingy to buy stuff I would enjoy. Beside there are cheaper alternatives. Gosh this is heaven! If only I have cold milk now...hahahaha (now for my 2nd...3rd...yum yum)

Going back to my green nails....Hihihi...

I managed to paint my hands green (just the nails). Never that I normally do this because the polish chips off too soon, and I don't want the look of chipping nails. But what the hey!!! If it comes off then put on some back on. (Just like now I saw a scratch...but I'll live through it).

The Evening's Culprit

Woke up at 4am and the day was pretty much spent outside until 7pm. It was a crazy day! Calls were a lot and I have to drop off papers before my 3pm appointment.

It was soooo hot outside. Summer's just screaming "I'm coming", not happy about that. Glad to have Peaches though.

We both have separate fgd's to attend to and met up afterwards inside the mall. I was so cleverly stupid to order this brewed coffee from Dunkin hoping it's just a harmless cup of coffee. This one's quite taller than the usual. Slowly gulped it, that I burned my tongue because it was too hot.

We left for home a minutes after resting, separately. I still have a half-cup coffee and took it home. I was kinda surprised that I was active than my usual. And since I don't have anything to eat I drank the rest of the coffee.

Came 12mn I still could not sleep....1am, still can't sleep. I had to force myself to go to bed, but it didn't stop there. This seemed harmless brewed coffee didn't make me sleep. I was soooo restless, all the stuff I was worrying that day were in a carousel in my head.

And that's why now I'm like a zombie....all because of that darn coffee....(eyes half-open)zzzzzzzz

I'm Green

(not my actual hand, but the color is quite near to what I'm wearing hihi)

I finally left comfort zone of the "bitch-red" nail polish.

I just turned Green!

After an afternoon of 'talk' I thought I needed a breather, plus I had to run to the bank anyway. Felt frustrated and I just want to buy something, and to feel good. So instead of looking for a nice dress, I ended up making a turn at the nail salon....I know that's not cheap but it's been weeks since my delicate feet had a nice treat.

It's nice to be out of your comfort zone once in a while...until you become daring and confident. I guess it did help me a bit.

(actually I have many more stuff to tell...promise very soon)

Nytie nyte

Just when things are starting to get busy

I'm sick...darn..

For more than 10 years my asthma was good to me, it never visited me, up until this time. Missed work at cvg, but doesn't mean my other work will be at rest too. Doctor ordered me to rest for 3 days...meaning I'll be back next week... For the meantime my office will be getting my full attention, plus my assignments...oh well....

A Year-Ender on First Day of the Year

2011

It's Over now. Time to start the new year. I promise to visit my blog every week, if not everyday. I know that this would be very important in the future for sure (actually my friend reminded me that one time).

There were a lot of things that happened in 2011. Some unfinished business were finally accomplished (although there's still more to do).

A New Year

A Very Happy & Blessed New Year!!!!

Good Times Ahead!!!

New Friend

It's been a long time since I went to Quiapo. I missed those Wednesdays when I would have my quiet time. I got so busy and couldn't leave early from the office.

Today my agenda was for something else. I was just buying something for someone, and even thinking of shoe-shopping or check out some accessories.

After buying the main stuff I went straight to the church to say "hi". I just stood, since I knew I won't be that long. Then an old woman caught my attention. She had a small body frame, white hair. She was standing, trying to fix her skirt. She had a plastic bag, which I think she used as her handbag, an umbrella and her "pamaypay". Surprisingly she was clean. Normally when you see a senior who carries a plasticbag full of clothes or tattered bag, they would look dirty and most of the time they smell too.

But this old woman was an exemption. What made me look at her was the fact that her body frame was so small was because her back curled, due to Osteoperosis. I watched her as she was fixing herself. She took her bag and umbrella with her. I imagined how could she sit comfortably when her slouch was so bad. She doesn't look like she's having a hard time with her condition, but still I could not think how she could cope walking in slouched back.

I was ready on my foot that when she would pass me I would discreetly give her money for food. In a way I was nervous as she approaches my way. This would be the first time I would do something like this extravagant over an old person.

As she stood in front of me I called her out and whispered to her. She smiled at me in her sweetest smile. We talked a little. Her name's Purification or Puring. I felt our conversation would take a while so I told her we better sit again.

She lives at the LRT, I think that would below the LRT station. I don't know how she sleeps esp with her back condition. I worry for her esp during rainy season. Her memory's still good, considering she'll turn 81 this Dec 8. She usually stay at the church. She mentions her family but chooses to stay by herself. A lot of people would hand her money, even though she doesn't ask for alms. People would invite her to eat, even stay in their homes, she thanks them but still chooses not be a burden to others. She's clean and smells fresh. She does use the toilet and cleans herself at a paying cr near the place where she stays, and she carries only a plastic bag with some clothes and toothbrush in it.

Merry Christmas

No Matter What we do, Christmas is still the happiest season, Ever!!!

No Choice

My Lola was brought to the hospital this morning, due to fever and other stuff. It was kinda worrying since she's so old already, but thank goodness she's now okay.

I called dad to get more info about lola. And then I had to ask about mommy. The doctor still advises her to have the andiogram procedure, which will cost a lot. What surprising...well not really, was that my dad really took himself out of the responsibilities of raising money. The only thing he said that it would only happen if he wins the lotto. Wow! what an inspiration!!!

I'm worried for their health, but I feel sadness at the same time they just wanted to throw all the responsibilities at us. Maybe they should have taught us that when we we're small so we could have prepared for it early on.

I wish I could bring back a few years of my younger days so I could have saved up more. Or maybe have gone abroad if that was their plan all along, to make us work our butts off.

This just makes me...grrrr

N.R.

I lost my mojo. I think

It seemed that my interest in things are to low. Need to get it back in its high level. I got a lengthy sermon again due to my stupidity...again. It's really frustrating for me, most especially to the person affected.

I better re-think my life....

1. What's my plan for the future? (the very near future)

2. What do I want to be? Do I have a dream? What was/is it?

3. What action plan should I start to get my life in focus?

Damn.

I did it Again....

Today I started the 1st day of my meds. Yeeheeee... I wish I could shout it.

I can say that I've been struggling with my weight for a long time now. 4 years ago I finally got the figure I thought I'd never have, only the reason I got that was not the way I hope I'd have. I did enjoyed being like that for a year or so, thinking my body will keep it for a long time. Wrong. Gradually I got the unwanted weight (and unwanted look at that). I don't want to get sick just to get thin.

I have been throwing clothes that doesn't fit anymore. Wishing I could fit in them again would take a while. So I opted for larger cuts, loose clothes.

I didn't like what I see in the mirror and wanted to get this over with. So today I finally purchased it. I'm positive that I'd be successful here. I feel dizzy though.

Goodluck to me.

Sad...

I'm home now. I haven't slept yet.

I had a long talk with my friend since 3am and I'm glad we had that long talk...about something else.

I couldn't go back to sleep. Lunch was cooked very early.

But the events for the day was unexpected. The topic I sooo hate suddenly was thrown at me, as if I'm the most (inutil) person. And my mom has to be the person to even say that.

I could not hate her too much because of her condition, but this is not different from what she use to be before she got sick. It does hurts hearing that from her. It only confirms that my part in this family is just for comfort purposes. To fill in the responsibilities that was not done (at all).

I was teary-eyed during lunch while mom's seated on the other side of the table. I just bowed down, I couldn't look at her. I'm not even sure if she noticed, but judging from her actions I don't think she even knew.

I don't want to hurt her, or to even say stuff that's disrespectful, but I didn't expect it to hear it that way. She said I should help my sister with all the responsibilities....

Later I'll be going to Glorietta, and I'd see all the families there again, spending their sundays together. I will wish again I'd had the same normal family like theirs. If I had know specifically that my place in this world/our family is to slave myself to work for them I could have gone abroad after college.

Really didn't expect that today...

Never too late for school

Last May 2011 my friend's sister was here in Manila. Her visit became a business proposal as the days went along. I am to help assist on her business plan (with documents and all). Because of this the Bookkeeping course came into picture.

Now, 3-4 months after, every saturday of the month I'm attending the bookkeeping course!!!

My friday gimiks were put on hold for a while - hehehe...I never thought I'd be back in school, and with amount of work we have it's as if I'm actually in regular school.

I'm learning of course (I should be), but I need a lot of practice...a real lot of practice...will tell more soon...

The "Ber" months have started

Time really flies...soooo fast!!!

It's the 'ber' months already and still ssoo much to accomplish. I'm just sorry I never had the time...or should I say I didn't take the time to really sit and journalize my events for the past months.

Speaking of journalize....I've have been attending a saturday class of bookkeeping...since June (or was it July??) imagine me taking a course that involves math 360 degrees?!!! ha-ha

So far I'm learning....though I need a lot of training. Ate gay was good enough to advance me the tuition fee, for upcoming services I'll give her. So scared actually, but hope everything works well.

Later...will tell more.. :)

Bestest Tagaytay Weekend

Never fails to amaze me

The privileged...continues still

Around the last 2 weeks of April became an eventful event (hahaha-talk about reduntant). Anyway, I was just soooo privileged to have spent a week, almost a week since I have been dropping by at the Ascott for several days. I was helping out my friend's sister with some stuff, and I was invited to spend breakfast buffet with her while we're on a meeting. Geez...here we go again, buffet, food, new food (at least some of them) I didn't know what to pick so I ended up eating a few and common stuff.... Told my friend about it and we just laughed about it, how stupid I am when it comes to picking out food.... The next day I was invited again, wow, talk about second chances...And guess what? I did the same thing, only this time I took a little bit of that crunchy bacon...Hahahaha...

But what was nice was my friends and I spent an overnight at the hotel, sort of to baby-sit the room, and for the buffet breakfast of course. I was sooo lucky that my office was just a few minutes walk away. I wasn't able to sleep though but it was all good.

It was really nice there...Wish we can do it again soon.

The privileged...continues

The lobby....The breakfast

The privileged

Evening @ Ascott, with pizza & friends

It's such a Glück Day!!!

I was cleaning up my inbox, that has at least 300+ unread emails...It's such an eyesore going through each any every mail...Some not even opened yet.

I sort of clicked just one email and not even reading the title....Well guess what? I won in a promo I "Liked" from facebook.

Wow!!!! talk about luck...or should I say glück. Hehehe...Just imagine, I even forgot about it. Sometimes you get life's surprises especially when you least expect it.

Earlier this morning I got a message from my friend's sister asking if I want to have breakfast again., when in the first place I was already there yesterday. I was too shy to pig-out the buffet, and just took small portions. And even as I indulged myself on some foods, I still have not tasted the other nice food.

But the highlight of it all....My own Longchamp!!! Weeeeeee ü She handed me her gift yesterday after our brunch. I couldn't get over it, it's soooo nice and cute!!!

So from now on I'll spread glück, no place for hang ups now.

Easter Fever...

I can't find any other picture to greet Happy Easter!!!

First time I spent easter sunday away from home and attended a easter egg hunt, never have I imagined that its a chaos with all those kids. I assisted on the cookie painting my sister's friend was handling. Despite the 3 straight hours of standing it was all good and fun.

And now....2 days after easter....I'm feeling sick...oh please please sickness go away...

Had so much to share for the past days and now they expired...this time I'll make it appoint to open this more often.

For now I'll take a rest, hoping I'd feel better later...So much to do and little time to spare....So chop chop and be well.

Hope mom's doing ok at home

Hoping for the holiest week

It's Good Friday today...

What's is good about this friday? The day when Jesus died for us...Too sentimental? Yes it is...Then what the heck am I doing home? ... Maybe hoping my mom would get the rest she needs and being with her at home would be nice. My dad's been pre-occupied with his 'stuff' at church, too much pre-occupied I should say.

It looks like my effort to be home is not the wise thing at this time. Since my mom got sick, and made her recovery her memory and understanding had lessen, sometimes she just can't understand. My patience is always compromised when I tell her not to work around the house and leave it to me since I'm home already. And now I wish I am not home.

I have to control my temper when it comes to talking to her. I hated my father for treating her like a maid and now I'm doing it, though my reason is for stopping her from doing chores.

Holy Wednesday

It's 2011 Holy week.

I still have work until tomorrow. I never imagined when I was little that holyweek could turn out like this. A little bit energetic compared before and people are still working.

Today turned out okay despite the stress attached to it. First, I havent slept yet, I just remembered just now cause I'm feeling a bit sleepy, and it's only 8:30pm. But will of course take a shower first.

So much to do yet so little time. Wish I could have done a lot more, though I'm pleased with my accomplishment for today.

I was asked to do a letter for this tenant. I did a pretty good job in composing that letter, with minor corrections.

Then last night a part of my electrical outlets was short, so I have no power in some of the outlets. I bought an extension cord for the ref and tv, so now my tv and ref are working fine....I even tidy up a bit the room...I'm loving it.....

Will talk to you soon

2011

Just had my birthday 2 days ago...weeeee

By now my life should have turned into the most admiring stories ever told...Well I guess I'm expecting too much.

Still learning...a lot more...need to do it double time.

But there's one other thing I'm having difficulty with - being gullible. I always fall into the trap, and sometimes it's too late.

I have one question though...who do I believe?

As I have said...I thought I was patient...

It's 2011.

Another chance to start over...Hoping for a clean slate this time.

I'm more positive on achieving this for this year. It's just discipline that I need.

It's never too late

It's 12 days before Christmas.

Haven't done any christmas shopping yet, not yet even tidy up my stuff here... Sometimes it's like I dont have time, when sometimes I do.

It's been almost 2 months since mom's stroke. My life turned around in full circle and it has been different since. I don't know how we got through those 2 weeks. Needless to say, mom's doing alright now.

It was October23, saturday. I had a planned saturday afternoon, so is mom and dad for a wedding that afternoon. They both got home just around 5:30am that morning from an emergency at my lola's warehouse.

That afternoon, when everything seemed fun, I got a call from my dad telling me to go to the hospital. At a split of second my, our whole world turned upside down.

mom

I miss the nightlife...
I miss my friends...
I miss the booze...
I miss sleeping in my bed...

But most of all...
I miss my mom's text message
asking if I'm going home for the weekend...
I miss her homecook meals, even the cookies
she almost burned the last time
I miss her loud voice even when she's talking
just a feet away...
I miss our sunday bonding watching old films...
I just simply miss her lakwatsera self...

I whispered "I love you" while snoring in her sleep...
I wish she understood it...

Get well very soon mommy...

New Life...for real

Imagine a child going down from his parents bed?

That's how I was a week ago...hahaha...I was living on top of a double deck bed. Since I'm the last girl to be admitted here I have no choice but to choose the top bed.

Yes. I moved out, just 2 weeks ago. I moved in with 3 other girls, plus 1, my niece, but not in the same room.

It was a decision made a long time ago, but only now that there was a chance to do it...or should it be it was forced already. There was not much drama in the discussion, there was just a settlement of some sort, so I dived in already, if not I'd be in the same old sad situation.

I know I didn't have to leave, but for some reason it's a must. We didn't say goodbye, we just won't see each other that often, but communication will still be there.

So now, I'm own my own.

I get to go where I want, go home anytime I want, without being too conscious that I'm being watched. I won't forget that I'm still in the vicinity so I still inform him from time to time. But I'm making my adjustments pretty ok.

damn that thing

I've been trying hard to stay away from all the insi winsi drama in my everyday...to the point that I had to make up a story...

It worked, believe me...I fooled everyone, including me, for weeks. It was a success. It gave me a bright outlook on things.

The inspiration was the greatest thing I ever thought of. But will it be the thing that would let me sink also?

I could write all kinds of poetry about it, but nothing can conceal the true emotions I have now. I won't stop what i started, maybe just tone it down a bit. Besides, I was the only player in the game I got my self into, I had no opponent anyway.

Hello?...phone

I Want A New Phone!!!! I need to have a new phone!!!!

Eversince I lost my phone, my beautiful phone, I have not looked for another one. Well not that I have not looked around but due to unavoidable stuff I wasn't able to fit it in my budget. But now that my old phone's camera gave in it's time to really think of getting a new, reliable, functional, affordable phone.

Really need it soon...For sure it could divert my attention, especially now that I'm kinda sad (I'll go through it later). I know it's kinda pathetic but eversince that was taken away i felt a bit paralyzed, well yeah that's just drama but hey that phone & I went through a lot and have been to places with me...I miss you phone...We'll see each other soon...in another lifetime maybe....but for now I reall have to have a new one.....

....you thought I'm done.....

I found sanctuary in my temp office, lesser electricity, more productivity. But there's one more thing why I chose to stay there most of the time.

Remember I said I was dealing with my own stuff? Well I'm not alone on that. I guess the lesson learned here is that "I really don't a problem at all!!!"

I learned to be more patient with myself, and if there's a problem I deal it with a more clear head. I stay out as much as I can coz sometimes I can't stand the energy revolving around. I was told numerous time that all I need to do is this or that, but sometimes the people who give you advice can't use it themselves.

I have been stressed in dealing with my workers lately (at least just one worker), then I go home and try making good conversation, only to end up listening to tons of rant (much worse than mine). I understand that the situation that person is in is very hard, even I would feel the same way. But ranting even the littlest thing on tv, or a personality or the size of the food sold at fast food makes her irritate....that's a different story. I would always hear heavy breaths numerous times, or her banging toilet seat, etc. Every where she looks she looks at it in a bad mood.

Maybe I should just listen and just be a friend, and not contribute or ask question that might irritate her or remind past situations?... Okay maybe I'll just do that.

.....and there's more!!!

(Thanks to the owner of this)

I had to do something about my happiness....

Yes, it was like a crisis, not knowing how to feel happiness and let it stay there. I did device a good scheme though, only the scheme is turning into a more beautiful thing.

I am making a dream, a-make-believe, but it's not a dream, it's real. The more I interact the more simple things become meaningful. It came to life, on my part, at least. Sometimes it seems like an obsession, I always look forward to my everyday, making it my fuel in case my day doesn't turn out the way I hoped.

The simplest, the corniest ways are so important to me, even when they seemed I only pretend I don't care. But I do.

The corniest moments are just a cover-up for me, but means so much after. I got noticed with my little actions, may it be conscious or not, I get commended. (smile...sigh)

If only I can understand this...if this is acceptable...now I don't care. No one knows this(except 3 friends)...but when it comes to the real deal I told no one.

Never thought a simple smile would turn my day nice.

That's why I never stop smiling now...ever since I was let go.

It's my fuel that got me going through my days, and always looking forward to the next day.

Until where this will lead? No one knows...I will sure make a mark, and I'll make sure it will be a nice mark.

August Na!!!

Yes....and next week it will be half of the month already.

It's been such a bumpy ride, this past 2 quarters and I will never forget them, and will learn from them, but now my focus is my life!!!

After my unfortunate incident my life really turned around. A lot have changed and I don't get to often see my friend, most calls for important stuff, but no more of our usual-casual talks. I did went out with him and our other friend 2 fridays ago (I think) and that was it.

I was advised to look for another work and leave this part-time I have. I am considering it, I couldn't leave it yet though, reasons: health card and other benefits...Hopefully I will get a job with the same benefits, and more.

I'm almost done with the renovation in the building, still had it's minor problems that can be solved, but I was so stressed with time I have. One of the workers got sick so the work took a bit more time. I had to go back and forth for some materials that's needed, even tried saving up my budget only I spent more (just a bit, until I get computations fixed). I still haven't found the perfect workers yet, though this one working now (the one who got sick) is ok, you just have to watch and guide him.

So my plan was put on hold for the meantime, but by next week I can start again. I don't want him to think I'm not taking everything seriously since he don't make "pakialam" my life now, still I'm living under their roof.

And lately I haven't been using the office, I'm staying at the admin's office most of the time, which actually is more convenient for working, there's an extra table here beside the window (meaning I'm using the office now), ventilation is good, I can concentrate even if the radio is on. I can get used to this....

Rainy July...and then some

I've been hit, I've been shouted at, I almost got killed...but none ever got into my head...It's like it was all an out-of-body-experience.

I've been called hurtful words, that were true, it made me more weak instead of strong, when I knew it was just for me to prove that I'm not.

I am doing things the wrong way. I'm doing it the way they want me to do it. Sometimes I do it, just cause I was told to, not because I wanted to do it.

I want to do it, make the same results but in my own way.

Not to be an ingrate, but I want to make it work as much as people want it to work. I wanted to be reminded of what I did, though I wish it wasn't as often as I'm reminded of it, coz it's not helping at all.

I always start from square one. Now I want to start clean, totally from scratch. This is not helping at all.

Wish I'd be understood.

Afloat.....again

I'm at a lost now.

By this time my transition should have been improved since that unfateful day.

It's seems I still fell short. By now I should have learned to uplift myself, pick myself up when I fall, but it seems that that was not was happening still.

I need to keep my spirits up again. No matter what. I made a mistake, again, but I cannot give up again.

Early today I had another episode, this time a nightmare. I cannot breathe, no voice is coming out of my mouth, and I was paralyzed. I grabbed hold of my medallion prayed as much as I can.

Could it be another sign from the Almighty, reminding me again that I have been given so many chances, and even lives, to correct my ways. Or maybe the next time it happens GOD will be not as forgiving as he was before.....

Feeling on my own

I just had a discussion with a friend.

It started as like a fun conversation, but then I blurted out about what happened yesterday the mood changed and he ended up putting the phone down.

Now, I'm blaming myself that I even got myself into the mess I was the other day. I thought sympathy will be given to me, only it lasted a day...not even 1 whole day. It's like I'm alone now. I know people sent their messages and all but somehow I feel alone.

I wanted people to comfort me but that's not what their getting from me, instead they're getting a stiff, strong person who can take care of herself.

What do I have to do?.GOD did what He can to protect me. Now, I'm left to deal with my trauma, and the fact that I'm in denial that I'm scared.

It's all about ... My Life

They say when the moment comes that your life will be taken away, whether natural death or accident, your life flashes before your eyes.

Mine did not.

I was busy thinking how I can fight back, the people I'll leave behind, that I'd be late for work, or the most shallow one is my face getting scarred. Most of all, I fear for my life.

I did. I got scared. It was the most surreal moment of my life and I wasn't able to defend myself. I wanted to scream on top of my lungs for help, but no one was there to help.

I was still lucky, my guardian angels were still guiding me, and GOD protected me.

I thought being mugged only happens on tv, or if in real life, would be in places where it's dark. Our area had its share of incidents...but never had I imagined that I would also be a victim on a harmless morning off to work.

I was still lucky I only had couple of bruises from the momentary struggle and hit on the back, worse that could happen is if tried saving my stuff and getting hit on the head, shot-dead, or being taken in the get-away van, get raped & killed.

Until now it hasn't sunked in fully, maybe I'm looking for the reaction other people felt when they were victimized, the shaken-traumatized feeling.

I am not liked that. I can still joke, I'm functioning normal...but the incident is still in my head very clear. I'm in my "iyak-tawa" mode.

People close to me were all supportive and glad nothing worse happened.

I know I'll get through this. Life must still go on, normally.

My life is not yet over.

I have to be well.

I have a lot to do first to make myself better.

Thank you GOD...for always protecting me and always sending your angels for me.

Thank you Mother of Perpetual Help, Our Lady of Guadalupe, St. Benedict and St. Michael...

Tomorrow is a New Day

Time sure flies...

In a few more minutes it's the start of the new month. Another month to look forward to more productive weeks, and hopefully the fulfillment of our project.

If I'm going to rate myself if I have fulfilled my changes?...I'd say I've started it already, making progress everyday, still a long way but with a good head start.

Now that finally I have a good internet connection I can document more often my thoughts. I know when I first started this I have entered basically the same stuff...boring...

What I like about right now? I can sleep well coz I don't have to wake up early tomorrow, thanks Memorial Day!!!

for your eyes only

i know you wil read this somehow...so this one's for you....

yes, i've been slacking my day for my blog. it's like my progress has put to a stop...as with my own life.

too many promises were made, but none was put into action.

i wish this time, i'd be more aware of it...be happy and enthusiastic with my life.

Tsk Tsk.....

A very bad Girl....For the whole April I have not even a single time entered any account.....

Tsk...Tsk...

My life passing by....again

I've been up. I've been down....I've been all around.

Seems I've been living a very toxic life. Well not exactly.

How do you stop drama? - (you think of happy things!)
How do you think of happy things? - (you think of all your experiences)

There is no problem, at all. But then why I still feel stressed????


Yesterday I went out with a friend I haven't seen for a long time. I was skeptic of the bonding time we'll have. But it was all worth it! I was glad I did went out with her, despite the noise of the nearby construction and the dust flying all around, it was worth it.

I know I needed a jumpstart and it was not the expected way I was hoping. I listened to all that has happened to her since we last saw each other until yesterday. She was full of life and passion, things I lack or better yet I don't practice or show. I felt inspired yet I felt so tiny compared to all her stories. What had happened to me since then? I was working at my part-time job....that was it. I didn't make any progress if I'm going to sum that all up.

She told me to believe in myelf, that I can do it, that I can change things for the better. Honestly right now that's what I'm holding on to. That she still believes me that I can. All her stories are enough to fuel me...and that's what I will do.

I told her that I will beleive in myself and I'll stick to it, that if someone challenges me that I'm not making progress I will not be broken...I will not....I must not.!!!!!

The thing is that all she said were the same things the other said, only in a different way, and that she was not there everyday with me so everything is magnified.

I will not be broken this time. If he is not contented with my ways I'll try harder to to please him until I get it right. And things will be better. I know all these are for my own good...then for the good I will remember all that I can, all mother shared with me.

I will start to make goals. Like this netbook. I will little by little save up to pay for this...and the DS lite. Not because of 'utang-na-loob' but because I wanted to finally say that this is mine, and I worked for it.

cycle

You know what the funny part is? I just SLACK.

I don't have a problem at all really!....No I need to really mean that or my next step will just get me to where I was.

I WANT THE LIFE BACK IN MY HEART.
I should be inspired by works of other people and live by their example, and not just become a mere observant.

I WANT THE FIRE IN MY EYES BURN BRIGHTLY.
It's been a long time since I genuinely possessed this. I don't remember my eyes shone with excitement, like a child during chistmas giving. I WANT THAT BACK!

I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO LOVE AGAIN AND FEEL IT RUN THROUGH ME.
I want to be able to sustain the passion in me, the desire to want what I want.

I will make this happen no matter what. Why am I in battle when there is no war? This all just a hoax..and I made it all up in my head.

????

I have been asking the wrong questions.

Just figured that out after (counting my fingers) how many years.

I figured it already...WHAT WAS I NOT DOING?

I've been given so many advises on improvement and it would slip away after a few days...
I'm going to make a list of things I haven't been doing....and maybe I can turn around the positive thought of my mistakes.

One thing's for sure....happy thoughts should stay in my head and my heart. I'm really having trouble sharing happy emotions that's why it doesn't stick to me well.

I was not enjoying life.
I was not sharing wonderful emotions.
I was not being an inspiration to myself, my work and others.....

Just a few things I'll be working on.

No more temporary stuff. No more I'm tired.
No more unnecessary excuses.

My Birthday

I'm done.

The day's ended for the year I always look forward to...at least one the important days I look forward to...my birthday.

I had a lot of greetings ever in my entire birthday....

Come to think of it...what had happened to the rest of my life?

I'm still trying to figure it out...and honestly a lot!!!!! A lot had happened and I missed while it was the moments.

There's no way to bring everything back...but there's still time to make things right on the other half of my life.

I'm just thankful that there are still a lot who never gave up, when I did.

Never too old to learn

My week was weird and exciting. I have proved something that I know I have, and that's I still have it. When it comes to flirting I can do it but to play it well that's when I stink. I was able to fulfill one of my fantasies...guys approach me/us at public place without my guy friends (check). But that's not all there is to it. Hanging with my girlfriend was an experience, we both have different beliefs when it comes to having fun and with dealing with personal life, and by that I mean love life. We both have issues and no matter how we teach each other how to do it we'd be too stubborn to do it. I had to ask a friend to intervene (a bit) and what he said were true. I just got scared for her that I just had to tell to stop it. She was just so unsure of her emotions, why guys look and treat her that way.

My dearfriend taught me how I can express myself when I’m sad, disappointed….just talk and let it out. How I did it? I just need to remember how I did it yesterday