My life passing by....again

I've been up. I've been down....I've been all around.

Seems I've been living a very toxic life. Well not exactly.

How do you stop drama? - (you think of happy things!)
How do you think of happy things? - (you think of all your experiences)

There is no problem, at all. But then why I still feel stressed????


Yesterday I went out with a friend I haven't seen for a long time. I was skeptic of the bonding time we'll have. But it was all worth it! I was glad I did went out with her, despite the noise of the nearby construction and the dust flying all around, it was worth it.

I know I needed a jumpstart and it was not the expected way I was hoping. I listened to all that has happened to her since we last saw each other until yesterday. She was full of life and passion, things I lack or better yet I don't practice or show. I felt inspired yet I felt so tiny compared to all her stories. What had happened to me since then? I was working at my part-time job....that was it. I didn't make any progress if I'm going to sum that all up.

She told me to believe in myelf, that I can do it, that I can change things for the better. Honestly right now that's what I'm holding on to. That she still believes me that I can. All her stories are enough to fuel me...and that's what I will do.

I told her that I will beleive in myself and I'll stick to it, that if someone challenges me that I'm not making progress I will not be broken...I will not....I must not.!!!!!

The thing is that all she said were the same things the other said, only in a different way, and that she was not there everyday with me so everything is magnified.

I will not be broken this time. If he is not contented with my ways I'll try harder to to please him until I get it right. And things will be better. I know all these are for my own good...then for the good I will remember all that I can, all mother shared with me.

I will start to make goals. Like this netbook. I will little by little save up to pay for this...and the DS lite. Not because of 'utang-na-loob' but because I wanted to finally say that this is mine, and I worked for it.