....and now it's here...

It's The Most Wonderful time of the Year....

Nov 5 Tour

The 1st day was enjoyed with the other half of our tour group (the balikbayan's). Our hostess was so eager to tour us to the Laoag Church & Belltower, Vigan, a Kalesa ride touring Crisologo & Burgos Museums, BellTower at Our Lady of Charity church, Pottery making, and Hidden Garden. It was unexpectedly a long ride, by the van and with the Kalesa ride.
I had little pictures (with myself in it) taken at these places, which I wish I had, though.

We were not spared with overflowing of food the whole day, from home-cooked breakfast, lunch at Vigan and Italian dinner...Too bad no pictures of the food though, would be inappropriate.

1st Trip...Ever

This is the start of upcoming vacations....ever...(by the way, I was too shy to take photos of me going to the plane, so I took this photo from my friend's niece).

So, what did I get from this trip?...A whole lotta weight!!!....hahaha

Seriously...I had a lot of fun times during this trip to Ilocos Norte. I knew that it was just Laoag and Pagudpod that we're going, but as the day progressed, we ended up touring the region...in just 5 days!!!

Food tripping was never out of sight, from breakfast of simple but sumptuous food, lunch of varieties, to home cooked dinner. Long ride from one historic place to another was each day's activity.

What's more great was our Hosts were the bestest people I've ever met. Their house was soooo cool! Filipino-Spanish inspired home, and was even featured in one of the local shows, so i was told. I could live there forever....

Literary idols

V.C. Andrews

Terry Goodkind

....my two new heroes...

...Because you had a bad day....

Now I know.

If you're having a very bad day NEVER TAKE IT OUT ON ANYONE!

Did that statement made it clear?

I, too, was guilty of that the other day, but in a way I had a good explanation on it coz they we're ganging up on me....with jokes. They made amends after i cried, though.

Today's incident was different, though....What I can't understand is that he had to be an a*&%sh$%#le by sending that message to me. Right now it doesn't matter whether he take out my number or not. I heard he had a unfortunate predicament because his own vacation won't push through.

He's always been like that...He'd plan his own night-out or any kind of 'lakad' when we're not available then when it doesn't go through he bashes us...

Another thing, since his vacation is cancelled he won't be able to go with ours, and that's why he's been an ass&^%$. My other friend told me the other day.

Enough about him....not a reason to ruin my night. It's going to be a long night for me since I have work till tomorrow...Goodluck..

What's hidden...will still be uncovered

Eversince I was less than 1 project it changed the way I feel and it did affect me.

I just never knew that it would linger this long. Everyone noticed it, I even felt icky about it. I've been pretty nasty, being snob at times...I was no liking it.

Then before I left from work my supervisor talked to me about this changes she noticed. I was still sounding enthusiastic on the phone but I was not being friendly with my workmates like I used to (later I found out she was having a much bigger problem than me).

I was becoming indifferent with everyone and with myself. I have to stop this.

Everyday I would be sluggish, as if I didn't know what to do, when there's so much to do.

Damn, other people have bigger-relevant problems than me, so what am I waiting for???

Tripping

One week to go.

Just this afternoon, I realized that the trip will be next week. For the 1st time I could remember I really felt the excitement rushed through my veins. I was soooo excited....

First time ever....so I'm hoping to take pictures, no matter how cheap I'd look like, I won't care...hahaha

I'll tell you all about it next time.

Tech prob

This day had it share of surprises.

One. I was late, and fashionably late at that. I was not really into working but for the sake of payday I still had to impress myself and people who may listen to me. I survived the day, though I did not extend anymore.

All communication was having a weird day. My own mobile landline was not accessible, my bill had unnecessary charges on it. Even live communication with live people had been a challenge today. most importantly my old loading has surfaced again.

Right now we are trying to built our income on small but lucrative businesses, until we get to our feet with all communications gone at the moment.

Until then, I have to prepare everything or else....Had to have more discipline this time...please...

Simplest mistake

We'll...what do you know?

It's the mid-week already...Still no phone, no internet, bills are in, funds are running out, most importantly haven't really made progress yet.

I'm ranting, aren't I?

When money is the main thing in your head things get really mixed up...just need to organize it, REALLY!!!

Lately I was taken out of a project, violation: missed out an open-ended question blank. Now the subject of missing out the smallest and simplest detail has been lingering. I haven't told my friend about it because it's been mainly my problem, and discussing it with him will just validate everything. Anyway, we already talked about it already, so no need to even let him know that.

See!? It was just the simplest thing but still no matter how you talk good, if you don't follow minor but very important rules everything falls out.

Oh well, still have other projects, who knows I'll get there again...or not...

TLC...tomato, lettuce,cheese

It's been a week, just noticed. Wow...

I owe this to myself, I better keep my stuff going on again. Not focusing too well.

Imagine I've had my own internet access but still I was not able to enter anything in here. really sorry.

Well,my week now concluded by a night at home on a friday night, on this payday weekend. i had an invitation but declined it, i haven't been feeling well since tuesday. It was nice though that people were concerned, i just needed some TLC, especially now. i love to curl up with someone, or with a dearest friend. Well, my friend did before he went home, only I think i got squeezed instead of hugged...hahaha

Another thing happened last thursday, I got an unexpected call from an old flame. It was sooo sweet. We found out that we haven't lost the feeling we had, which was nice, and we're still good friends. I don't know...it was really nice to hear from him...

Maybe that's where I got the idea of TLC. Since I've been under the weather it would be nice to have someone to take care of me for a while.

My Kropek Story

Yes. It's been a week since my last entry.

I was not being lazy, wifi connection was sooooo bad. Ever since last last weeks' storm our internet was affected. I was only using my phone, that only had 19.4 kbps, nice huh!?

Well, today I bought my own Tatoo. Not the one on the skin tatoo, the smallest modem around, had to buy it since they were having a promo.

Now's my 1st time to test it, so far it's ok.

.................................................

We went out tonight, together with my friend's nephew. After being on the road for a long time we ended up in this quaint bar of a celebrity near the tv station. We heard they have a tasty chicharon bulaklak and so we ordered. It was ok, though their prices are a bit pricey for the type of food they have. The disappointing part was our simplest order...kropek. The usual kropek, or fish crackers are cooked deep-fried in oil. This one's came from the shelves in large plastic pouch for at least 25php (they sell it for 75php). It taste doesn't blend well with beer, what a disappointment. After that we left and headed elsewhere.

Too bad, all the places were full and decided to head home. Oh well, never will we go there again.

When will it stop?

Internet is still not up, so I'm using my phone's GPRS, so goodluck to my next month's bill, haha.

I was not working, not effective. I'm not affected with storm and yet I was not doing anything. I was confronted again yesterday and I couldn't say anything to redeem myself.

I can't go on like this forever. I have a lot to do but still not organized.

My..My...Maybe I should kick myself in the head? Nah...there are a lot of ways, easy ways to make me do some action.

I can't permit myself anymore.

Help?!?

No More typhoon, please.

Saturday. A week after that unexpected, devastating storm Ondoy.

The feeling since last week have been scary, almost everyone were worried since it reported that another typhoon was on its way again.

I got home together with the rest of the normal-working people very late in the afternoon, which was not intended, since the typhoon was coming any time yesterday. I saw my friend who was one of those badly affected by the flood last week, and was glad to see she's ok...So the rest of our afternoon was spent together for some quality time, before heading home before the rain and rush hour strikes.

Then it didn't happen that way. We parted actually late in the afternoon, with the rush hour, good thing she was able to get a ride and a seat, while I, on the other hand, had a ride too but was standing all the way home in the bus with heavy bags.

Manila was lucky that rain didn't progress the whole evening, meaning a lot were able to went home, no more additional water to the floods in areas that are still flooded. Water and electricity have not been interrupted, at least everyone was able to monitor what was going on.

It said the typhoon had changed course, not hitting the metro anymore. Right now rain is still on, a bit of wind, but not the destructive one, thank GOD.

Oh my gosh!!!!

I'm so sleepy. I felt useless the whole day.

Saturday Morning

This was the sight we saw saturday afternoon. The rain from last night progressed too much that resulted into this pool of flood.

My friends and I, maybe stuck on the 2nd floor, were still lucky to be dry, have a full day meal from our left overs the week before, with water to drink and electricity for our cable. Watching the people affected by the flood.

We were just watchers by the people downstairs who were trying to make their way to dry ground, or at least just an area where they can rest and not be submerged to waist to chest high water.

There was nothing we could do at the moment, no food nor extra drinking water for anyone we could offer.

Our families we're safe, thank God. My friend had to rescue his sister who lived nearby. The house was flooded and there was no electricity. It was a funny experience and scary at the same time for them. Good thing her family were also fine, who were separatedly stranded.

Now the whole metro is in a state of calamity. Seeing all those affected areas, families who lost everything makes everyone sad and makes you want to help them so much.

Storm Ondoy

It never was expected that there would be a long weekend for the whole country to be experiencing this week.

Friday was supposed to be another gimik night, but I was too sleepy so I stayed home and went to bed early. It was an ideal night to stay indoors because it was raining the whole evening.

My Angel..update

Remember that angel last 09-09-09?

I suddenly received my "mail". I quickly checked if it reflected. It only stated there that it had been actually taken cared of....

Bless You, My Angel!!!

I'm On Patron

Patron? Don't know how to tag that word actually with how my mind is working now.

I found another use for my netbook...organize my files, and the first is my music files....Hahaha what a first way to start my first day of organizing. Hey, I must start somewhere I'm familiar with, it will flow as I go on, so forgive me.

I'm listening to Good Girls Gone Bad now ft. Leighton Meester. I'm falling in love with her, not in a tomboy sense, but more of my icon, idol. Yeah she's younger than me, but since I'm my process of re-inventing and reformatting myself/system I want something or someone I would like to relate to (thanks to my friend who introduced her to me).

This re-inventing is so much different now, compared my past experiences. This time it means business. Both personal and professional must go along-side each other in order for me to work in harmony with me and the people around me. I can't believe it sounds like a 3rd person, but that's how it is now. It's a more of "now-or-never" kind of thing.

So like "B", she had to go to transitions herself, like I am now. It sounds weird but I like the idea.

As for my work, still needs a lot of improving. Like today I was panicking in a wrong way, again. We had our usual talk on the phone, much better than the live one if I may say so, less the pressure. It was nice that he was still gentle with me in the explaining part, really appreciate that. After him struggling to explain the process to me I understood him, it took a while, eventually I did...Whew...(that's him saying that!)

I better make my list and do action!!!!!!

And yes, I very much understand the meaning of 'you breathe, live your product' (oh, I'm missing one word here, damn)...I called a prospect client, after our discussion. And What do you know it looks like that was a 90% go!!!! The key? I took his advise of living my product! I did gooverboard, and got carried away because I was really interested with what they offer, thinking I was my product and my market, and it worked...Now I have to work on controlling myself and thinking more of the business side of it rather than the personal aspect....Still, I'm proud of myself.....More to go, I can do this!!!!

Now, on my personal note....I think I still have it! The things people tell me lately have been really nice. I still get my 'proposals', which means I'm still in the market...woohoo...Enough of that and that's it on that...hahaha

By the way this entry's title was from the song Patron Tequila-by paradiso girls, which I have been looking for and finally found just yesterday.

So much for now, better get to bed and better wake up early this time....g'nyte

Working Girl? ....

So...What do we have now?

Another night of talk. Yes my usual 'sermon'. I'm more patient now, which is good. I noticed I listened well. That's not the point, though. I still need to improve the way my mind works when it comes with business.

I knew the answers, I just need to make everything tied together to create something feasible. It's not really hard, I just need to focus my thoughts.

Come on, I can do this!!!!

"B"...As in Blair Waldorf
She's my new inspiration of grace, style and freshness.

More Gossip

I’m a newbie fan of Gossip Girl.

Yes. Gossip Girl. The A-List of the primetime series now. I’m proud to say that I have actually watched the 2^nd season already and familiarized myself with the characters. At least I won’t be left out when my friends talk about it…hahaha

Well, it’s a good show, makes me think of the original 90210, but more exciting. It’s been a while since I got hooked up with anything from the tube, aside from my usual animations.

Aside from it’s a good show, my friend introduced me to B – that’s Blair - in the show. He said I’m like her. Not that I look like her, well maybe very little similarities, but as I look at her she’s gorgeous. Her style is so fresh, just what I needed especially now. Since I’m on the process of re-inventing might as well get an inspiration that’s worth it.

Yeah, maybe I can pull it off, maybe.

Weekend...still not over

Vacation update.

Our main goal was to have a relaxing long weekend. We did watched the 2^nd season of Gossip Girl, harvested our farms, ate comfort foods and had booze. The only thing we were not able to do was to relax in the right time.

I guess everyone woke up this morning feeling a bit sore, especially my friend, who did not go to work today. I, too, didn’t feel energized either, but of course I went to work, though my body was not feeling too excited.

I suddenly missed the melon in Tagaytay, it was so sweet and crunchy.

Come to think of it it wasn’t that bad after all. Despite my bodies soreness spending the weekend with my friends was great. Waking up in the morning with them was the funny part everyday. Unruly hair and half-open eyes were common, it was weird seeing my guy friends in their real selves, and it’s weird them seeing me without my usual flat hair and made-up face. Oh, it’s just me feeling that, they don’t actually care. My other friend though kept teasing me that I looked pretty – hahaha, so I played along. Why not? I was feeling it anyway – hahaha. At sometime, while I was sleeping, he was watching seated on the carpet near the couch where I was. I opened my eyes a couple of times and both times he was laughing at me. Then I found out he was watching me sleep. That bad boy…As if, he was snoring the whole time anyway, hehehe.

It was all good. It was fun. I even got to say goodbye there, which was an honor, actually.

Morning fog

Sunday Morning at Tagaytay. The mountain barely visible.
The weather during this time in the morning wasn't even cold.
A few minutes later it rained. It was perfect, the fog was swooshing towards me, it was great.

It's Over....the Holiday

And we're home.

That was a long weekend of sleeeping and eating, dvd and farmville hahaha...

Weather wasn't that crazy cold but the environment was just ideal for a lazy day. I think we got our body clock mixed up, that we slept and ate on untimely hours. We missed 2 breakfast and 1 dinner, so we have to move our menu...hahaha.

I had fun with friends. Made me realize I'm really lucky spending time there with them. Really fun having the laughs and watching each other sleep. As I was making a nap on the sofa, well I fell asleep while watching actually, I saw my friend smiling or laughing, I think, at me while I was sleeping.

Food. We have bountiful food, nice comfort foods, meaning food that should be partnered with rice...hahaha...There was still food left over for office consumption...woohoo.

The thing was we didn't have time to explore the garden for the 3days we were there. If you think of that should not be a problem, but since we sleep on times that we should be awake it would be too late or we're too tired.

If you take a look at it weather was perfect for relaxing...If only it could be like this everytime, then again holiday's over. Reality check, tomorrow's work starts again. So I will go ahead for my rest in a while. Come to think of it rest was not available there, we slept but not on the bed but either on the sofa or on the carpet...hehehe

We're here.....

And finally we're here!

The weekend started last night around 9 or 10 pm when they picked me up. It was like being away for a whole week when I saw the stuff we brought, hahaha, even turned out it was not enough.

The trip was fun, had a short traffic, but we got through anyway.

After getting to our destination late dinner was on the agenda. Come to think of it, it was not dinner, it was early breakfast actually.

I thought dvd's were the agenda after, it was the netbooks that are next. I think if I remember right I went to bed around 6am...a few minutes after I heard my friend calling me in time for our morning marketing. I knew I didn't sleep yet...hahaha

Our marketing trip was quick, and had prepared breakfast when we got back to the house. That breakfast was spent laughing almost sleeping. Never felt that tired while eating, until that time.

Everyone retired after that, I was the last one who did after cleaning up. It was nice to do house chores here. Maybe because you only do it sometimes and weather is great out here.

Speaking of weather, this morning it wasn't that cold at all, but the fog was heading towards us while taking our breakfast outside. And now, it raining. I woke up from the loud thunder, after resting for I think 4 hours.

It was cold and damp, in a good way. The coldness was not fierce, which is good. No lunch yet for us, and it's almost 5pm now. We're just doing our stuff (aka. Farmville), and work and assignments, and cooking. At least our internet connection is working out here, with a few disconnection but it's all good.

I have to finish my work today and send it to my client so I can freely tend to my farm-hehe just kidding. Well I still have other stuff to do anyway....So might as well get on with it.

Later I'll gather up my thoughts about this trip....Later....

Weekend's here

Sorry...I haven't updated this for several days now, and it's thursday now.

Honestly, I'm still having another weird week again...but there are mosre improvement with me, so everything's ok.

My project will push through, despite the lateness of everyone. I was willing to give that up, but hey that's still additional sideline. The week was full of meetings, traffic and rain.

Just the other day i was supposed to have an early meeting. I was late but the client was still doing something. I spent more than hour on the bus, even fell asleep, only when I arrived the meeting will be postponed that same evening. It was another 2 hours for me since it was rush hour out from work, and guess what? The client was still late.

Today was quite different. After my shift we had an appointment to the csr service center. We got there early and we finished 3 hours after, I think. So all in all our whole afternoon was spent outside. At least we got that accomplished already.

Now for the exciting part. I'll be preparing my stuff now for our weekend getaway. Well it'snot that far away, but it's kinda special since it's going to be a long weekend and I even filed for 2-day leave at the office.

I'm just tired now so hope this weekend will be relaxing and rejuvinating for us. So gotta go now. I still have to pack my stuff....nyte nyte

Review

I'm adding an additional 15min for this review.

Yes. I'm going to start my review on a lot of stuff, and the first would be using your netbook using public WIFI.

I'm using now thee phone's GPRS.

As for my first review for first time users like me, I must say Seattle's Best's WIFI is not for the tight budget surfer.

Yeah food and ambiance is great, though too cold for my delicate skin (hahaha). . . Now on to business.

Aside from the fact that it's only good for 1 hour (or depending maybe on your purchase), I'm not too keen on the part when every now and then the coffee shop's login page would prompt and your surfing time would stop. When this happens you need to key-in the username and password.

I'm not sure yet if this is because I'm not yet familiar with their system or their WIFI sucks. It will take you several minutes to get your connection back.

So this is just my first observation with their WIFI, meaning I still need more research...hehehe...Still new here, okay!?! Till next research...I'm going for my Farmville for a while.....hehehe

Where's WIFI?

So...Feeling Techie today?

I brought my netbook out and even used it...WOW...

My officemate & I went to this exclusive lounge for our afternoon bonding. Normally we would just have long talks over long lunch. This time though we have our laptops...hehehe

Surfing was good at that place since I've tested it yesterday. What's even nice is you have a choice of your free (any time) coffee, or hot choco, or ice tea. Not to mention you can also charge your cellphone in their free docks.

Now for the exciting part.

We went our separate ways, meaning also I have to find myself a good spot for WIFI.

Now that's the big challenge!!!!

Most coffee shops here have WIFI, all you need is buy their outrageous coffee (and food) and your free to surf. But where can I get this unlimited surfing?

I walked and walked through the mall looking for the best location to create my thoughts, check my Farmville and do my research.

Spending would be an obvious thing I'd have to do. Payday is in two days but I chose to do "my research now". What the heck? All I have to find is good location and my money's worth. For sure I'd be eating anyway so let's get it on....

I'm trying now Seattle's Best. I like the food here and the place is not that crowded. I found a good spot with a nice couch. . .Now I go to the counter to order. I found out that in order to get that awaited WIFI connection it has to cost me a minimum of 150php. Hmmm... Well I'm already here might as well eat, be merry and surf.

I settled to my seat, near 2 guys talking business, and mind you talking very fluent. Anyway, going back to my WIFI searching...So, prepared my netbook and satrted searching. Alas! I found it! I was too excited to start browsing. To my disappointment I got the connection but no display.

As usual, I've restarted the netbook several times, still no luck.

Finally, I had the courage to ask one of the staff for assistance. My bad, or was it theirs? I wasn't given the password!!!! yikes...

My...my...hey it's my first time, so give me a break!....hahaha

My friend called me up a few minutes after I successfully opened my blog. I told him this research, and boy he laughed!!!

I thought he'd be angry because I took my netbook out without telling him. Good thing it turned out pretty ok with him. I'm glad he liked the idea that I was trying to learn by this research.

Now, my clock is ticking literally. I have only less than 30minutes for this coffee shops' WIFI. Which means I'll be using my phone's gprs after it expires. And which means I wasn't told it was only good for an hour....Geez

Up and About

I have up since yesterday...hahaha...Yes, have not sleep yet. I'm good though, since I had an exciting weekend.

My client stood me up.

My friends and I went for our weekly booze.

Took a very short nap and went to work.

I was hyper the whole shift and acted like a teenager.

Surf the web for free at an exclusive lounge coz of my friend. Not to mention our free hot choco, very much appreciated on this cold-wet saturday, I was able to charge my phone too...hehehe. After that, we had lunch, and a few more stories.

Surprisingly, boys we're still at the studio. Bought them a very late lunch food....And until now we're still furnishing our farms from our netbook...hahaha

And I haven't had sleep yet for 24 hours.

The day is just perfect for the laziest time in front of the tv while munching on comfort foods, and most importantly....Farmville....

And so this will continue tomorrow again...hehehe

TGIF. . .Woohoo

Yes...It's friday again...And I love it!!!

A lot has happened, yet again. Some were the same stuff, and few were surprises. I thought that this work-week will end by having to take care of this project of mine. It seems I was mistaken.

I'll be meeting this client again for, hopefully, a final meeting. Surely, that would be breeze.

My evening is still uncertain yet. There might be a night-out or just hanging out. Whatever it may be I hope it will be a nice evening.

I may have this weekend now, but my work doesn't end yet. I still have to think about it, and have some input for its launch.

Not to worry, I will get there, just need to have that imagination work...And please eyes and ears, be attentive...hehehe

And guess what? It's raining again. On what a gimik night.

My Angel

Sometimes, for me to be able to absorb what are lessons learned mostly I take it the hard way, short-cut was never my priority.

Recently, it came to that point again that taking the uncertain road was more attractive for me.

Not anymore.

Yesterday, as skeptic as I was, I sent out an email with the usual message of "send this to your friends"...kind of thing. It was a prayer, so I thought nothing's wrong with it, so I sent it.

I was to expect a call or something the same night, with that something that I've been waiting for. I thought the one the I wanted cannot be made through a call, still I go ahead anyway. I had another thing in mind, and several others but I thought the call was just the only reply I will be getting.

After all these time, I really-truly believe that GOD exists, in many forms, which sometimes I never notice.

There's my dear friend who just wanted the best for me, who tirelessly remind me of a lot of stuff for my own good - and I don't pay attention to sometimes. I was taking things differently when I know he just wanted to see my passion flow out of me, than being just handed things I need to do. I owe him a lot for his dedication, and I'm sorry that I've been stupid for not doing the right thing. I owe him my change, for him to see I'm worth his sacrifice. I will prove him that.

Most importantly, God & Mama Mary, who never left my side when I'm in doubt. They say the Heavens will give you answers in the most unexpected way. Yes, that's true. They both did that a lot of times. Thank you and I will continue to be true with my faith.

Of course, my everyday Angels.

I don't know how but they always find a way to let me know they're around. And this recent event proved that.

Again, I was a skeptic on it but still sent it, since it didn't require any monetary to send out the prayer. But guess what? The Angels helped me solve one of the things I've been worried about lately. I've checked it twice and I both got the same answers. Was it for real? Maybe it is, and it was just my luck.

Thank you my good samaritan, my angel, my savior. God will bless you...and I will pay forward to others as long as I can.

Chasing Happiness...c/o Adelle

Memories of my past. . .and more

My Last Promise

I think it would be better to start over.

I dedicate this blog for new creative ideas, new changes, happy moments and lessons learned.

This will be my journal for my improvement and development. I will cure whatever I missed out before and fulfill myself with my accomplishments and failures.

I will continue being the new me. Only me will be the cause to destroy me and everything I worked for.

I will show the people who helped me that I’m worth every headache I’ve caused them.

I am starting my life over. I am going to remember all the details of my everyday. I am going to face everyday with enthusiasm, commitment and passion.

I am my own, I own my life now, I will be the one who will make my self successful and no one else. And I will not permit myself to be put down or drown myself in misery.

Over again

Honestly...this is getting redundant.

Yes. It's all over again.

But I don't have to give up on myself now. I've been collecting myself to do the right thing and I still fall on my face.

I still believe that I can change. I can only believe myself that I can help myself become what I want.

I was given another ultimatum. It scared the hell out of me but it didn't reflect.

In a flash my life turned around…again.

I’ve been given all kinds of threat, I’ve been scared but it seemed it didn’t get through my skin all those times.

I’m starting over. Just like the weeks before. Same situation, same chances…but this time it much worse.

I’m going to turn my whole world upside down this time. My old tricks didn’t work so I must reconstruct my strategy. I need to polish my act to survive my own self, my own life.

Numb. That’s me right now. I don’t want to contradict my self now, or permit any negative thoughts of what happened. “my own humiliation would depend on how or if I will permit myself to be the old me.”

It has been tainted, and I did that. It seems so different now, coz it is. Not because we’re having conversation doesn’t mean everything’s okay. If I continue to be good, then I might not get watched to everytime.

Time to take action and take responsibility with my life. Or I would end up being in the dumpster.

All these time I thought I'm cured. My bad.

morning

Carried this down the aisle. Just as a maid-of-honor...hehehe

Post celebration

The next part of the day was not done yet.

After packing my stuff and left the hotel, bid the newly weds a happy night, I went to the post-reunion party.

I got there and saw a long table full of old highschool mates…. Everyone still looks great and still loud.

It was nice to see them all again. I may have missed the reunion and some other old friends but the attendance that evening was enough. What was even a surprise was one of the girls paid the whole bill, heard she’s a big shot lawyer, GOD Bless her.

There was even a chance that the singer from this local band went out of the men’s room. Then we just saw the other girls started approaching the poor singer and took pictures with him. And since we’re older it was not that humiliating anymore….hahaha.

We were just lucky to have that space at the resto that we don’t disturb other people. The night filled with picture taking and laughter.

It was lucky for these mothers that their husbands gave them time off. As the night goes deeper though everyone started feeling uneasy being away from home, started texting calling their kids. It was pretty sweet but I know that’s the part I’m not knowledgeable yet.

Rain didn't stop the girls from having fun, but since the mommies had to take care of their kids, one-by-one everyone went home.

Nice to know everyone are all good and made-up, happy with kids and surviving each day. Wished though Tammy was here to enjoy these with us.

Eventful week

Officially the week has concluded.

Due to the unending events this week, I chose to call-in for work today, my bad….but will just try to fill that this coming week, hope there would be another volunteer…hehehe

As I was saying, this week had full events. Just yesterday there were at least three events I need to attend to, only 2 was possible.

A wedding, a reunion and a post-reunion party.

So now you know why I had to call-in…hahaha.


The wedding… My best-friends wedding.

No, it’s not like in the movie. It’s my girl’s-best friends. We were supposed to be spending the night being girl-friends, slumber party sort of thing. It ended up that we just literally slept. I got to the hotel very late, traffic and rain the whole night. Too sorry that we didn’t have time for girl bonding.

And so the wedding day started. My friend said she was a bit nervous, thinking she might be forgetting something. She’s 3-months pregnant, I think, and so she’s having a very hard time moving around. We almost got there late, just barely made it, if it wasn’t for that other ceremony.

The wedding ceremony went smoothly, very ordinary I think. Honestly I didn’t feel the love when they were saying their vows. Of course, I wasn’t the one saying it so I’m no good judge on that.

Reception food was ok, but not the service (the restaurants’ fault), and everything was over. Just like that.

I can’t remember the feeling of ever going to the excitement of the marrying part. I just wish she would be happy.

If I would be in that event I know things would be much different, more romantic, in my standards at least. But hey, maybe next time I could make someone else’s wedding more memorable..

Loaded Week

This week has been interesting.

My self-make-over started naturally, and numerous occasions were in the calendar. There was work at our office and my part-time thingy; then yesterday's birthday dinner, and today's 1-day suspension (hahaha) and tomorrow's wedding.

I've managed to handle each smoothly, though my work here was somewhat cut-short due to stuff I still needed.

I'll be spending the night at the hotel with my friend, the bride. That's a good idea though, at least I will not be stressed to prepare for tomorrow. And guess what? after all the stuff I've prepared I still have a few needed.

I'm cutting my work 1-hour short so I have time for my manny-petty, hehehe.

Wish I could bring this netbook though, but nah...To risky and to heavy...

It feel like a ball party that I'm going to - hahaha. The only event I won't be able to attend to would be the reunion in the afternoon, but for the evening after-reunion party....YES...hahaha

Gotta go now for my menny-petty...mwah

I had gone to work in a nick of time, with only small amount of freshness…It was just perfect…good thing it was it was cold this morning, at least I didn’t have to feel icky…hahaha

My day was becoming more positive, I know it will especially when I have that excited feeling waiting to burst. I was smiling and my calls we're all good, nothing can stop me. I got commended with my work, people say hi to me...hehehe

So far so good. My client hunting for our project has a positive sounding result so far. When I talk to them I'm more confident to talk to them, unlike the 1st time.

new look???

Wow...My eyes are not focusing good anymore.

Work today was half accomplished since I started in the afternoon already but fruitful I've talked to a few number of clients , which means I have a lot to call in the next few days.

As I was about to leave, my friend showed me the girl from gossip girl, Leighton Meester. Now I have a new project. My new goal is to become her. Well, not be young like her, but I can update my look like hers...She's so pretty and all, and I wouldn't mind adapting some of her sytle, hehehe

Parteee

I've started my career, yet again, yesterday for our project. It has been pretty good, though needs more time.

Right now we're on our hanging time with our netbooks again. This is now our new bonding time, since we don't go out that often.

This coming saturday, it's my friends wedding, as I may have mentioned it before. I gave her the invitation yesterday, and thank goodness she liked it. It was simple and clean, though I wish I could have done it differently if I had time...

A bit of panic came to me since sunday. I still have not found what to wear. I've searched all the shops for the perfect dress...but it only needed my friend to find it for me...Once we got to the mall, we went to the racks, and in a matter in minutes he handed me the perfect gown, for half the price....!!!!! All I need now are
my accessories and make-up.

The funny thing here is that it feels like I'm attending a debut hahaha. I have not looked for a gift yet for them even.

Wink...Wink

Yehey…I can finally sleep!!!

I noticed that since Wednesday last week I barely slept. And now I’ll be able to enjoy it!!!

My day was quite fulfilling. I had 4 hours of shift, but it’s double pay today hehehe. I told my TL the power-of-1 card I got the other day, it felt like I was in kinder telling my teacher of my accomplishment. It was so nice coz after mentioning it to her she also gave me another one, with a different comment. That was so nice! I felt my mojo coming back coz of it.

I was just alone the whole day at the office. Again my dilemma almost kicked in but good thing I was able to pick up myself. I started my research and calls. It felt great when I talked to one of the merchant we have was so gracious. That was when it came to me that I can do this again.

For the meantime...goodnight

Tomorrow I'll tell all about the details to that...this cough is not good..

I’m still in for Sunday.

There is a tracking device here….hahaha

I’m just taking my break for a while from my assembling of my friends’ wedding invitation. Looks like no sleep again for me tonight, but it’s ok.

How the future doing?... It will be bright, just remember what you need to do and everything will be good.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A few days ago my other work had a turn around, a nice one at that.

I was with a group being monitored by the client while doing our calls. The 1-hour monitoring was a success. There were 6 of us that were able to be included in that
test and the client was satisfied. That's good to hear.

Then, one of the dcm handed me a note (power of 1 card). First time I got one was because of my attendance, I think. This time thoug, it was a commendation.

WOW!!!!

Imagine I got commented by the client. . So I can actually do it, with script or not I managed to impress the boss.

What does that say?

That I am actually can be good. I don't need the shouting, I just need the clarity of my head to handle everything.

Tomorrow will be another test...well it's not, just be natural PLEASE!!! Be brave...

Missed weekend

What a night!

After weeks…almost months…only last night we went out to our party venue..hehehe…and got drunk with friends.

Now, my head hurts. I’m still trying to process what happened, hehehe.

It was fun, but all 3 of us were all wishing of something else. A weekend away from the city for a few days.

Just relaxing in the cold night of Tagaytay, watching DVD’s of playing with our netbooks and plenty of food tripping.

This was the only long-weekend we’ll be having again before holiday season starts and it was just perfect. We leave Friday evening and go home Sunday evening; monday is a non-working day.

So now, it will be just bumming around the house. Or finish my assignment for the invitation.

My head still hurts though.

The Week

Today is still Thursday...Coz I haven't slept yet.

Our weekend getaway got postponed that's why my friends and I are just hanging out with our netbooks.

We were all set for 2days of bumming in Tagaytay. Our schedules have been fixed and I was even good for a call-in for sunday. At 9pm my friend told me that we won't push through....

Earlier this evening I went out to pick some documents. When I left the office the rain was just starting to fall. Little that I know that I would end up getting soaked. My trusted umbrella was showering me underneath.

It was fun though, walking to clear puddles, just like when I was a kid....

This is....NOW

I can see my life flash me by in a second.

I see nothing. There’s something but it won’t register.

Poof…It was just a dream…and yet it’s not.

My heart beat so fast that it felt it really happening. The whole body was numb in all areas but I knew it was just a dream.

I stood up paced around the room. Then I got a good look at my image in my full-length mirror. Gosh, in a few days I grew old, like those work their asses off to make ends meet.

But I did go that far. I was just here all the time.

Too much time spent on reflections, too much thinking, too much wasted energy for things that didn’t bring me to a new and good place.

Yes, it’s been like this, over and over again and IT MUST BE STOPPED.

I knew what to do and how to do it. Then just do it!

I know the purpose of my every move and even my thoughts, why I needed to think of things. Just to do it!!!

I am in control of my life. No one will tell me to just sit and spend hours thinking and figuring out the solution to my problem.

Everything I was told were true. I didn’t want to accept it, but they were all true, and I can do something about it.

Ok I’m done with the accepting part.

Now, to the solution and the action.

There is no problem if one would see this situation. True, even the normal person will easily deal with this, what more for a person like me.

My heart’s still beating fast…and yes it was not a dream. My life can change in a second and it has been constantly.

I must commit myself to myself, that I will be vigilant with my actions, be patient in my rebirth, and learn to handle things in every situation given.

My words will only be effective when I make it happen.

Even when I say things no negative vibes should or will come out of my mouth…NEVER

I was there already....I just need to get back and continue that new me.

My battle will stop NOW!!!

Uncertain Future Awaits

I will never forget the week past…and my future week will be a mystery until tomorrow.

My day started very early, around 1:30am I think. I was in a nick of time when I went to work and same thing when I went to the client. Both schedules got through just fine, thank goodness.

I was eager to go to work, and finish my layouts. Had no idea what to do but good thing somehow it worked out. At least that part has a more clear future… except mine.

Tomorrow things will change, hopefully for the better. I was told me that I’m expected to present new things and no more stupidity, just creativeness and innovativeness would be better.

Another riddle.

But I don’t want to pressure myself right now and figure out what that meant. I just hope I’ll be able to dream of what to do so I won’t look stupid again.

I’m tired but I’m ok.

Some of my stuff is still unpacked and there’s more to tidy up, including my life.

I was just glad I had a friend the other day who understood my side. I did not betray anyone, I just needed to get it out and share it with someone who will understand my side.

By tomorrow things will change in a second. Whatever will happen will be my future and I hope I will make the right choice and act on it.

My Final Promise

Today will be different and new...That's my final promise

I will learn to throw the old and become the new person I am suppose to be. All hatred and disappointments of my past will be gone for good and I will look at it as lessons I should learn from. If I fall I will rise back again, may be hurt but never defeated by my own self.

I am not to battle myself but the evil around me. I should learn to be patient with myself for my changes and not fall back down when I make mistakes. I don't take pride when I'm stubborn to listen from good advices.

I am happy when people are happy for me and with me. I take care of their feelings and become sensitive to their feelings, I will not hurt them.

Today...my promise starts and will not end.

It's been 4 days

Yes it's been 4 days since I last entered anything here.

That does it!!! My luck has left me! Don't know if temporary or for good.

I haven't done any progress since last tuesday. Have not figured out yet what was under my nose that would make everything good again.

I'm full of myself, as I am always been reminded, that a simple action can change or bring me back to my self but have not done it for the past days.

I've exiled myself to our home, hoping I could find light of some sort, instead I feel resentment all over in a new level.....I was on my way to work now, but I can't seem to get out of the house with water surrounding my pathway. It's been raining hard since 1:30am, and I know the possibility of flood. I was a bit confident it might subside by the time I'm about to leave the house. Unfortunate that I am, I can't leave the spot where I was standing at. I wanted to shout of despair everytime a truck would pass by with a wave of flood coming towards me. No more tears to cry for me. I'm all dried out.

I'm stuck with a project that I don't know if I'll be able to handle because I have no layout for the client and contractor, because I have not yet change and my friend refuses to speak to me until I change.

Life is really different here. There's no life here. People are so laid back, whatever is happening to the outside world is unheard of. Yet I came here, again. Maybe this is one of the things I'm being reminded. Being the old me has to stop and I should never look back from that selfish person. I'm not told that not to think of my family but for me to be more together of myself, to not be my bad self. I don't have to entertain anymore any unnecessary thoughts that are not helping me at all.

Today will be different and new...That's my final promise

I will learn to throw the old and become the new person I am suppose to be. All hatred and disappointments of my past will be gone for good and I will look at it as lessons I should learn from. If I fall I will rise back again, may be hurt but never defeated by my own self.

Ooops.... I did it again!

I'm aware of what's happening with me and yet I'm not understanding and doing everything to relieve me of the old me.

I know it's easy. All I must do is be aware if I'm repeating or becoming my old self and shake it off. Acknowledge my mistake and ask for help or think of a solution.

Have I really learned anything? Yes and No.

I only have two choices: Either go back to the horrible me or the new me. I've done it before, why can't it be easy now to be my new self?

Just a few days ago I was thinking and realizing that if I really am changing for the good, no better person to show and share it to is to the one helping me, and not just the people who don't know me.

Now, I'm back to square one , to prove myself that I can change. Disappointments and being quiet and being hard-headed are not the things I need.

Yet, why does it keep coming back?

I don't need to entertain it anymore.

I must be consistent with my progress, if I'm really progressing. I just have to practice the art of patience with myself, and learn how to comfort others when I make mistakes.

Even if I say I understand or I'm learning that's not valid unless I make myself and the people around me happy.

These are just words and I must consistently practice it if I'm really serious about it. And I am, but it seems I'm not.

Why do I always get myself into this situation? Who am I really trying to satisfy, me or others?

When I'm thinking clearly and becoming my new me things are better, even the difficult situations seems easy. People like me and thinks I'm cool and confident.

And now why? I'm light-headed now, but I can't complain about it. I have irritated another person and I did not make things better and made it worse.

I'm ranting and it's not doing any good. Why don't I just start over, even it means going back to step 1?!!! I have wasted a whole-days' work because of my nonsense. I should have defended myself in my new manner then I don't have to be feeling disappointed again.

What am I really doing now? I was told to document what I really learned, have I manifested it?
It seems not, with the way I wrote it seems the old me is thinking. But then I know I learned!! I just have to start doing what I learned or else it will just go down the drain. I have to always have to pick myself up when I fall flat on my face and not get emotional about my humiliation, and not dwell on it.

Is this what I would like all the time? The headaches, the stress, the facial strain everytime? I'm scared to think that one day all of it would be gone, and that no one will there to rescue me from myself, or I won''t be able to do the things that I'm able to do now. This blog was intended to teach me to think clearly and to organize my thoughts, and most importantly to think o ways to be happy...Is it working somehow? Maybe not all the time. No more excuses, I have used up all possible reasons to defend myself, well they were not good excuses anyway, so try harder to work on it, please?!?

I should be enjoying my fruits now for a job well not, and not getting headaches because of the reminder that I'm doing things the old way. Yes , it's humiliating, and I'm so humiliated with how I think or do things, but no chance to be sorry for myself now. People are running out of patience to extend their help.

I just remembered yesterday I saw this show 'How do I look'. The fashion victim was helped by her frient to re-invent her looks by updating her clothing. When it was presentation time the 'victim' hated the new look. The host tried to squeeze any comment from her for the helpful friend but got nothing out of the victim. The other stylists were furious and told the victim that the least thing she could have said was 'thank you for taking the time out for this, I may not like the look but I appreciate the time and concern you gave'. . . I was disappointed with how the victim acted towards the friend. . . Now thinking about it, I was her 'the victim'', for acting stupid and being ungrateful for the gesture.

I know it's easy, but I have to try a lot harder. I'm tired of always getting into this everytime.

AM Sky

My friend & I were out of way from my the mall and saw this amazing sky.
First time I saw a sky like this.

Where's Happiness?

What does it really take to make me a happy person??

A simple question, I know, but all my life it seemed hard to attain..

Why now I ask this? .... It was all about this diary my office mate and I are going to work on. Pages of question about how you see yourself and your friends, all about being BFF's. The funny part was that is like the autograph book we had back in my elementary days. What's your fave color, first crush, motto were some of the teeny bopper questions then....

Anyway, in some weird way, I found myself assessing my own life .....something years - hehehe. I'm really excited about it, like being teenager all over again.

But seriously, being happy doesn't have to be really hard, though I thought it was. Now, I can appreciate things around me effortlessly...Isn't that great!?!

Here's an old pal

This is Mickey...He's been gone for more than 10 years
but my love for this mutt never fades!!!!

New things, Old things

Why is it that when you own something you don't use, and you're sure it's just there and still working, that's when you find out you're wrong!

My friend once told me that when you have stuff that are either needed repair or broken beyond any repair, you should have it fixed or just throw them out.

In my case that's not always what happens.

It would seem that I don't take good care of my stuff, especially my tech gadgets, but I actually do!! Either I forget to use them and I use them too much. In some cases I'm guilty to say I forget them. Just like this newest discovery.

It was given to me 2 years ago, I think, and since then I never actually used it. It stayed in my drawer...up until a few days ago when I was reminded of it and thought I'd take it out of the dark drawer. Unfortunately, my discovery led to disappointment. It's should be laid to rest. I'm now pressured that it may be discovered soon, I'm not too sure yet, (I'll let you know tomorrow). If not I must have an immediate replacement. Tsk Tsk...another hard-earned money wasted, Oh well.

So starting today, I'll start gathering up my stuff, throw the things that should be thrown and revive the others that are still useful.

Hey, it's just like the people in my life...Take care of the ones that are good to you and give you meaning and throw those who use you and drain you of yourself...Wow! I never thought of it that way...but it all makes sense...

Free Day

I was able to finally get some sleep after consecutive days of activities...I had fun but of course I just need to recharge a bit.

Can't remember if I was recharged or I just woke up for the purpose of waking up. Either way I wanted this day to be another day, without mistakes, hopefully.

I may be still in shock earlier, not disappointed but sort of clueless of my emotions. Just hate it when it strikes, and you had to start over. The only consolation I have though is that I don't have to start from phase 1 (though I almost was there yesterday).

And now, I'm left to be relaxed today. I was told that I need this stress-free day for myself, thanks.

In a way it wasn't as stressful things would be. I know I didn't have to, so why worry things that I'm familiar with?!?

Today....Again

Disappointments are stepping stones for improvement

and not stones that should pull you down.

A message that will haunt and should haunt me forever…until I’ve mastered my new self.

Write Eveyday...As much as you can

“The first thing you have to know about writing is that it is something you must do everyday”….

Quoted from The Year You Write Your Novel- (Walter Mosley)

I saw this message from an unlikely publication to draw my inspiration from....a junior copy of a Seventeen magazine's back issue.

I've been ranting for days of about the pressure of extracting all these thoughts to create an eye-catching,intellectual entry...only to find out that all I have to do just....start writing...Me and my old self?!

Update!!!!!....I finally got my internet connection working from home. With some ingenious luck I was able to figure out how to make it work. And unexpectedly, well actually I just forgot, that since its a dial-up it will be as slooowww as it can get...My my my...talk about old-school...Well it's better than not having one!!! Right?!?

*****

Yesterday was another get-together with the girls.We call it reunion, but it seems that it's not the word fit to describe our weekly meetings....But then again, it does actually feel like a reunion because we never fail to miss each other. Kuya came home from UAE, so there was a real reason for our night-out, besides I miss them anyway.

Dinner was as much fun as always. We're at Italiani's Trinoma, where I got lost coz it's packed with lots people, and dinner was not just for the eating part but the endless laughing and photo sessions. Next time maybe we should have a fund to give the waiters we ask to take photos of us. Gi2 took a picture of all kinds of ID's from almost everyone, the wackier it is the better. So I'll just be waiting for it soon.

During dinner we all thought we also have one of those bday singing like the other tables. Someone asked the waiter about it and when Nora came back the waiters started singing with their free ice cream dessert for Nora. And what was nice was she even joined the four waiters and started dancing herself. Everybody was laughing so loud, that it was a good thing the manager didn't throw us out.

I left early because my friends were picking me up for a continuation of the booze session. We got back to the studio around 2am. I was sooo sleepy I didn't join them for our nightly netbook session. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to sleep anymore coz my shift is 5am

After work my officemate and I had lunch, chatted and went home. I was sooo prepared to get home to rest, suddenly my dear friend called me up and will be picking me up again. Oh wow!

Here's the funny part...Last night we were just at QC...then this afternoon we were still in the same area as last night. We're planniing our Wheatgrass bonding that's why we went to Manila seedling for our materials for project and had lunch in the area.

I'm awake and on the same location for 24 hours.

Had fun these past days, weird they would seem but it still was fun.

So now, I'd be going to bed for this awaiting rest time....Till tomorrow. Nighty night

If yesterday was a tiring day...??? Well today is nothing compared to what happened yesterday!!!

We're glad we're just hanging out, but our day ended around 9pm.

The unending search for my friend's netbook and accessories where
the main treasure hunt for us. It took us at least 3 different malls to get everything together.

No night-out for us all, just hanging out, playing with our Netbooks....


More update on this tomorrow..promise

In The Midst of Storm Kiko

August 6

What a day it’s been! Just got home from work. Imagine, I left home around 3pm and its 10pm now. That means I’ve been gone 7 hours.

I’m battling with my thoughts right now, on what to create that would be blog worth. I’m pressured to do this everyday, not mainly because for it to be my personal journal but more of an exercise. I wanted it to flow naturally, not because I’m like being graded on it.

Now that I have my Netbook I can store it for a while then upload it the next day.

I shouldn’t be ranting on this now, when I have stuff to share, but it just bugs me right now.

Well so much for that…I can prove that I mean business now. If I’m reminded again of this I could prove them wrong, that’s a promise!!!

I have several stuff on the works right now. My spirit lately have been on a soaring mode, sort of inspired, hoping I can do this. I’m left on this alone, well not totally alone, but mostly I’ll be doing all, as in ALL, the works to make it a success. I don’t mind the dirty work, it’s the talking part that I need a lot of guidance. Sure I can talk, but on a conversational kind; the business part that sounds conversational – that’s what I need practice from.

The Day Cory Left

Today, August 5, marked the solemn day our country has witnessed, since the 1983 funeral of Ninoy.

It’s 9:15pm now. I started turning on the TV as early as 8am, I think, just before the start of the mass. Still wished that I could be physically join the march, but wanted to watch every moment of it.

It must have been a different feeling when you’re there but what I heard from the homily and the stories shared by the closest people of Tita Cory the main thing I learned is the devotion and friendship she had shared with everyone.

Tita Cory made me feel proud again to be a Filipino. I wish all of us will feel that again and be able to show that we are.

As I was watching the homily, I couldn’t help but cry. We’ll sorely miss her and we think it will be hard not to know that for every rally or occasion she wont be seen for her support and guidance. I may not personally know or met her but her spirit is so strong that Tita Cory affects all.

A Woman of Strength

I know this blog is for personal journal, but before that I want to offer my thoughts about Pres. Cory..

It was a shock when I found out she passed away last Saturday. Sad and happy for her and her family. Sad because another great person has left the country to be in peace up in heaven, who's become an inspiration to all, and at the same time happy because, what like everyone is saying, she will be with God and her beloved husband..

I was just lucky earlier today that her procession was passing by my office, and I was just in time to cross the street to get near to the convoy. It felt great that,even on this solemn time her spirit awaken a lot.. Confetti showered the streets and everyone chanting her name, it was like the 1986 all over, though this time I'm more aware of it.