My life passing by....again

I've been up. I've been down....I've been all around.

Seems I've been living a very toxic life. Well not exactly.

How do you stop drama? - (you think of happy things!)
How do you think of happy things? - (you think of all your experiences)

There is no problem, at all. But then why I still feel stressed????


Yesterday I went out with a friend I haven't seen for a long time. I was skeptic of the bonding time we'll have. But it was all worth it! I was glad I did went out with her, despite the noise of the nearby construction and the dust flying all around, it was worth it.

I know I needed a jumpstart and it was not the expected way I was hoping. I listened to all that has happened to her since we last saw each other until yesterday. She was full of life and passion, things I lack or better yet I don't practice or show. I felt inspired yet I felt so tiny compared to all her stories. What had happened to me since then? I was working at my part-time job....that was it. I didn't make any progress if I'm going to sum that all up.

She told me to believe in myelf, that I can do it, that I can change things for the better. Honestly right now that's what I'm holding on to. That she still believes me that I can. All her stories are enough to fuel me...and that's what I will do.

I told her that I will beleive in myself and I'll stick to it, that if someone challenges me that I'm not making progress I will not be broken...I will not....I must not.!!!!!

The thing is that all she said were the same things the other said, only in a different way, and that she was not there everyday with me so everything is magnified.

I will not be broken this time. If he is not contented with my ways I'll try harder to to please him until I get it right. And things will be better. I know all these are for my own good...then for the good I will remember all that I can, all mother shared with me.

I will start to make goals. Like this netbook. I will little by little save up to pay for this...and the DS lite. Not because of 'utang-na-loob' but because I wanted to finally say that this is mine, and I worked for it.

cycle

You know what the funny part is? I just SLACK.

I don't have a problem at all really!....No I need to really mean that or my next step will just get me to where I was.

I WANT THE LIFE BACK IN MY HEART.
I should be inspired by works of other people and live by their example, and not just become a mere observant.

I WANT THE FIRE IN MY EYES BURN BRIGHTLY.
It's been a long time since I genuinely possessed this. I don't remember my eyes shone with excitement, like a child during chistmas giving. I WANT THAT BACK!

I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO LOVE AGAIN AND FEEL IT RUN THROUGH ME.
I want to be able to sustain the passion in me, the desire to want what I want.

I will make this happen no matter what. Why am I in battle when there is no war? This all just a hoax..and I made it all up in my head.

????

I have been asking the wrong questions.

Just figured that out after (counting my fingers) how many years.

I figured it already...WHAT WAS I NOT DOING?

I've been given so many advises on improvement and it would slip away after a few days...
I'm going to make a list of things I haven't been doing....and maybe I can turn around the positive thought of my mistakes.

One thing's for sure....happy thoughts should stay in my head and my heart. I'm really having trouble sharing happy emotions that's why it doesn't stick to me well.

I was not enjoying life.
I was not sharing wonderful emotions.
I was not being an inspiration to myself, my work and others.....

Just a few things I'll be working on.

No more temporary stuff. No more I'm tired.
No more unnecessary excuses.

My Birthday

I'm done.

The day's ended for the year I always look forward to...at least one the important days I look forward to...my birthday.

I had a lot of greetings ever in my entire birthday....

Come to think of it...what had happened to the rest of my life?

I'm still trying to figure it out...and honestly a lot!!!!! A lot had happened and I missed while it was the moments.

There's no way to bring everything back...but there's still time to make things right on the other half of my life.

I'm just thankful that there are still a lot who never gave up, when I did.

Never too old to learn

My week was weird and exciting. I have proved something that I know I have, and that's I still have it. When it comes to flirting I can do it but to play it well that's when I stink. I was able to fulfill one of my fantasies...guys approach me/us at public place without my guy friends (check). But that's not all there is to it. Hanging with my girlfriend was an experience, we both have different beliefs when it comes to having fun and with dealing with personal life, and by that I mean love life. We both have issues and no matter how we teach each other how to do it we'd be too stubborn to do it. I had to ask a friend to intervene (a bit) and what he said were true. I just got scared for her that I just had to tell to stop it. She was just so unsure of her emotions, why guys look and treat her that way.

My dearfriend taught me how I can express myself when I’m sad, disappointed….just talk and let it out. How I did it? I just need to remember how I did it yesterday

On Love, Lust & Liquor

Yes. It's like this is going to be a series for this month.

Since the start of the weekend my days have been filled with love, lust and liquor.

Friday:
I went out by myself to look for a place to drink. I was not sad or anything, I just wanted to try to be alone, with beer in my hand. I was contented and just a a couple of bottles, then my friend picked me up to continue this booze-filled night. It was more enjoyable being with my guy friends, though.

Saturday:
It was girls night out this time. First time for me and my girlfriend to get out of our comfort zone (that's with our guy friends) and try something different. I met her after she attended this event, at the same place. Crowd started to pour in and the music was getting to a good high. Then a group of guys near our table was beginning to be friendly. Hey it's a bar, what do you expect? Friendly and intoxicated people (not something you have to be rely on). hehehe....And so the evening became fun, a bit wild but nothing offensive. They invited us to their VIP section, offered drinks and dance the night away. After that, they were nice enough to bring us home, in separate cars.

Sunday:
After that night out, we went home just to take a bath and headed to work. I was so wasted, sleepy, tired and my voice was giving me a hard time. Good thing I still made it, somehow. But my day didn't end yet. I was to attend a 'binyag' just out of town. Oh my I was just soooo irritated that afternoon. I took a nap and headed to the terminal. My dearest friend was not answering my call and I was about to quit and just head home, but then after a few more tries she answered and went my way to her far far home.

The travel was fine, I took a nap during the whole bus ride, which was kinda fun, but reaching to her house was unbelievable! it was not what I expected at all. But I guess that's how it is when a person gets married and have kids, all luxury and convenience in life suddenly stops, and just be happy for them.

I stayed there for just a short time only, coz my dearest friends were going to pick me up....That was the sweetest thing ever!!! I mean I can go home safely, and just meet them after if we're going out, but they were nice enough to pick me up (love those guys)...What's more exciting we were on our way to Tagaytay (woohooo). It was sooooo cold and windy when we got there. I thought a dinner at one of the restos there was our agenda but we had more exciting plans-hehehe. We headed the grocery store and bought wines....yes wines..hihihi

So the evening of cold, windy climate was soooo perfect for our evening of wine experience, together with our sausage canape's...hihihi....Oh yeah I almost forgot, it was the full moon as well, so romantic.

Monday:
It was suppose to be a rest day for me after 3-days of never-ending events. I excused myself that evening too when they were going out for a drink.

Tuesday:
I was starting to get back to work, making a few calls and getting the hang of it all, when late afternoon my dear friend called to accompany him to have something fixed. On the way we picked up our other friend. We did our thing then headed back to the office. Instead of drinking out we bought a bottle of wine and stayed in the office.

............................................

My week was weird and exciting. I have proved something that I know I have, and that's I still have it. When it comes to flirting I can do it but to play it well that's when I stink. I was able to fulfill one of my fantasies...guys approach me/us at public place without my guy friends (check). But that's not all there is to it. Hanging with my girlfriend was an experience, we both have different beliefs when it comes to having fun and with dealing with personal life, and by that I mean love life. We both have issues and no matter how we teach each other how to do it we'd be too stubborn to do it. I had to ask a friend to intervene (a bit) and what he said were true. I just got scared for her that I just had to tell to stop it. She was just so unsure of her emotions, why guys look and treat her that way.