Wink...Wink

Yehey…I can finally sleep!!!

I noticed that since Wednesday last week I barely slept. And now I’ll be able to enjoy it!!!

My day was quite fulfilling. I had 4 hours of shift, but it’s double pay today hehehe. I told my TL the power-of-1 card I got the other day, it felt like I was in kinder telling my teacher of my accomplishment. It was so nice coz after mentioning it to her she also gave me another one, with a different comment. That was so nice! I felt my mojo coming back coz of it.

I was just alone the whole day at the office. Again my dilemma almost kicked in but good thing I was able to pick up myself. I started my research and calls. It felt great when I talked to one of the merchant we have was so gracious. That was when it came to me that I can do this again.

For the meantime...goodnight

Tomorrow I'll tell all about the details to that...this cough is not good..

I’m still in for Sunday.

There is a tracking device here….hahaha

I’m just taking my break for a while from my assembling of my friends’ wedding invitation. Looks like no sleep again for me tonight, but it’s ok.

How the future doing?... It will be bright, just remember what you need to do and everything will be good.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A few days ago my other work had a turn around, a nice one at that.

I was with a group being monitored by the client while doing our calls. The 1-hour monitoring was a success. There were 6 of us that were able to be included in that
test and the client was satisfied. That's good to hear.

Then, one of the dcm handed me a note (power of 1 card). First time I got one was because of my attendance, I think. This time thoug, it was a commendation.

WOW!!!!

Imagine I got commented by the client. . So I can actually do it, with script or not I managed to impress the boss.

What does that say?

That I am actually can be good. I don't need the shouting, I just need the clarity of my head to handle everything.

Tomorrow will be another test...well it's not, just be natural PLEASE!!! Be brave...

Missed weekend

What a night!

After weeks…almost months…only last night we went out to our party venue..hehehe…and got drunk with friends.

Now, my head hurts. I’m still trying to process what happened, hehehe.

It was fun, but all 3 of us were all wishing of something else. A weekend away from the city for a few days.

Just relaxing in the cold night of Tagaytay, watching DVD’s of playing with our netbooks and plenty of food tripping.

This was the only long-weekend we’ll be having again before holiday season starts and it was just perfect. We leave Friday evening and go home Sunday evening; monday is a non-working day.

So now, it will be just bumming around the house. Or finish my assignment for the invitation.

My head still hurts though.

The Week

Today is still Thursday...Coz I haven't slept yet.

Our weekend getaway got postponed that's why my friends and I are just hanging out with our netbooks.

We were all set for 2days of bumming in Tagaytay. Our schedules have been fixed and I was even good for a call-in for sunday. At 9pm my friend told me that we won't push through....

Earlier this evening I went out to pick some documents. When I left the office the rain was just starting to fall. Little that I know that I would end up getting soaked. My trusted umbrella was showering me underneath.

It was fun though, walking to clear puddles, just like when I was a kid....

This is....NOW

I can see my life flash me by in a second.

I see nothing. There’s something but it won’t register.

Poof…It was just a dream…and yet it’s not.

My heart beat so fast that it felt it really happening. The whole body was numb in all areas but I knew it was just a dream.

I stood up paced around the room. Then I got a good look at my image in my full-length mirror. Gosh, in a few days I grew old, like those work their asses off to make ends meet.

But I did go that far. I was just here all the time.

Too much time spent on reflections, too much thinking, too much wasted energy for things that didn’t bring me to a new and good place.

Yes, it’s been like this, over and over again and IT MUST BE STOPPED.

I knew what to do and how to do it. Then just do it!

I know the purpose of my every move and even my thoughts, why I needed to think of things. Just to do it!!!

I am in control of my life. No one will tell me to just sit and spend hours thinking and figuring out the solution to my problem.

Everything I was told were true. I didn’t want to accept it, but they were all true, and I can do something about it.

Ok I’m done with the accepting part.

Now, to the solution and the action.

There is no problem if one would see this situation. True, even the normal person will easily deal with this, what more for a person like me.

My heart’s still beating fast…and yes it was not a dream. My life can change in a second and it has been constantly.

I must commit myself to myself, that I will be vigilant with my actions, be patient in my rebirth, and learn to handle things in every situation given.

My words will only be effective when I make it happen.

Even when I say things no negative vibes should or will come out of my mouth…NEVER

I was there already....I just need to get back and continue that new me.

My battle will stop NOW!!!

Uncertain Future Awaits

I will never forget the week past…and my future week will be a mystery until tomorrow.

My day started very early, around 1:30am I think. I was in a nick of time when I went to work and same thing when I went to the client. Both schedules got through just fine, thank goodness.

I was eager to go to work, and finish my layouts. Had no idea what to do but good thing somehow it worked out. At least that part has a more clear future… except mine.

Tomorrow things will change, hopefully for the better. I was told me that I’m expected to present new things and no more stupidity, just creativeness and innovativeness would be better.

Another riddle.

But I don’t want to pressure myself right now and figure out what that meant. I just hope I’ll be able to dream of what to do so I won’t look stupid again.

I’m tired but I’m ok.

Some of my stuff is still unpacked and there’s more to tidy up, including my life.

I was just glad I had a friend the other day who understood my side. I did not betray anyone, I just needed to get it out and share it with someone who will understand my side.

By tomorrow things will change in a second. Whatever will happen will be my future and I hope I will make the right choice and act on it.

My Final Promise

Today will be different and new...That's my final promise

I will learn to throw the old and become the new person I am suppose to be. All hatred and disappointments of my past will be gone for good and I will look at it as lessons I should learn from. If I fall I will rise back again, may be hurt but never defeated by my own self.

I am not to battle myself but the evil around me. I should learn to be patient with myself for my changes and not fall back down when I make mistakes. I don't take pride when I'm stubborn to listen from good advices.

I am happy when people are happy for me and with me. I take care of their feelings and become sensitive to their feelings, I will not hurt them.

Today...my promise starts and will not end.

It's been 4 days

Yes it's been 4 days since I last entered anything here.

That does it!!! My luck has left me! Don't know if temporary or for good.

I haven't done any progress since last tuesday. Have not figured out yet what was under my nose that would make everything good again.

I'm full of myself, as I am always been reminded, that a simple action can change or bring me back to my self but have not done it for the past days.

I've exiled myself to our home, hoping I could find light of some sort, instead I feel resentment all over in a new level.....I was on my way to work now, but I can't seem to get out of the house with water surrounding my pathway. It's been raining hard since 1:30am, and I know the possibility of flood. I was a bit confident it might subside by the time I'm about to leave the house. Unfortunate that I am, I can't leave the spot where I was standing at. I wanted to shout of despair everytime a truck would pass by with a wave of flood coming towards me. No more tears to cry for me. I'm all dried out.

I'm stuck with a project that I don't know if I'll be able to handle because I have no layout for the client and contractor, because I have not yet change and my friend refuses to speak to me until I change.

Life is really different here. There's no life here. People are so laid back, whatever is happening to the outside world is unheard of. Yet I came here, again. Maybe this is one of the things I'm being reminded. Being the old me has to stop and I should never look back from that selfish person. I'm not told that not to think of my family but for me to be more together of myself, to not be my bad self. I don't have to entertain anymore any unnecessary thoughts that are not helping me at all.

Today will be different and new...That's my final promise

I will learn to throw the old and become the new person I am suppose to be. All hatred and disappointments of my past will be gone for good and I will look at it as lessons I should learn from. If I fall I will rise back again, may be hurt but never defeated by my own self.

Ooops.... I did it again!

I'm aware of what's happening with me and yet I'm not understanding and doing everything to relieve me of the old me.

I know it's easy. All I must do is be aware if I'm repeating or becoming my old self and shake it off. Acknowledge my mistake and ask for help or think of a solution.

Have I really learned anything? Yes and No.

I only have two choices: Either go back to the horrible me or the new me. I've done it before, why can't it be easy now to be my new self?

Just a few days ago I was thinking and realizing that if I really am changing for the good, no better person to show and share it to is to the one helping me, and not just the people who don't know me.

Now, I'm back to square one , to prove myself that I can change. Disappointments and being quiet and being hard-headed are not the things I need.

Yet, why does it keep coming back?

I don't need to entertain it anymore.

I must be consistent with my progress, if I'm really progressing. I just have to practice the art of patience with myself, and learn how to comfort others when I make mistakes.

Even if I say I understand or I'm learning that's not valid unless I make myself and the people around me happy.

These are just words and I must consistently practice it if I'm really serious about it. And I am, but it seems I'm not.

Why do I always get myself into this situation? Who am I really trying to satisfy, me or others?

When I'm thinking clearly and becoming my new me things are better, even the difficult situations seems easy. People like me and thinks I'm cool and confident.

And now why? I'm light-headed now, but I can't complain about it. I have irritated another person and I did not make things better and made it worse.

I'm ranting and it's not doing any good. Why don't I just start over, even it means going back to step 1?!!! I have wasted a whole-days' work because of my nonsense. I should have defended myself in my new manner then I don't have to be feeling disappointed again.

What am I really doing now? I was told to document what I really learned, have I manifested it?
It seems not, with the way I wrote it seems the old me is thinking. But then I know I learned!! I just have to start doing what I learned or else it will just go down the drain. I have to always have to pick myself up when I fall flat on my face and not get emotional about my humiliation, and not dwell on it.

Is this what I would like all the time? The headaches, the stress, the facial strain everytime? I'm scared to think that one day all of it would be gone, and that no one will there to rescue me from myself, or I won''t be able to do the things that I'm able to do now. This blog was intended to teach me to think clearly and to organize my thoughts, and most importantly to think o ways to be happy...Is it working somehow? Maybe not all the time. No more excuses, I have used up all possible reasons to defend myself, well they were not good excuses anyway, so try harder to work on it, please?!?

I should be enjoying my fruits now for a job well not, and not getting headaches because of the reminder that I'm doing things the old way. Yes , it's humiliating, and I'm so humiliated with how I think or do things, but no chance to be sorry for myself now. People are running out of patience to extend their help.

I just remembered yesterday I saw this show 'How do I look'. The fashion victim was helped by her frient to re-invent her looks by updating her clothing. When it was presentation time the 'victim' hated the new look. The host tried to squeeze any comment from her for the helpful friend but got nothing out of the victim. The other stylists were furious and told the victim that the least thing she could have said was 'thank you for taking the time out for this, I may not like the look but I appreciate the time and concern you gave'. . . I was disappointed with how the victim acted towards the friend. . . Now thinking about it, I was her 'the victim'', for acting stupid and being ungrateful for the gesture.

I know it's easy, but I have to try a lot harder. I'm tired of always getting into this everytime.

AM Sky

My friend & I were out of way from my the mall and saw this amazing sky.
First time I saw a sky like this.

Where's Happiness?

What does it really take to make me a happy person??

A simple question, I know, but all my life it seemed hard to attain..

Why now I ask this? .... It was all about this diary my office mate and I are going to work on. Pages of question about how you see yourself and your friends, all about being BFF's. The funny part was that is like the autograph book we had back in my elementary days. What's your fave color, first crush, motto were some of the teeny bopper questions then....

Anyway, in some weird way, I found myself assessing my own life .....something years - hehehe. I'm really excited about it, like being teenager all over again.

But seriously, being happy doesn't have to be really hard, though I thought it was. Now, I can appreciate things around me effortlessly...Isn't that great!?!

Here's an old pal

This is Mickey...He's been gone for more than 10 years
but my love for this mutt never fades!!!!

New things, Old things

Why is it that when you own something you don't use, and you're sure it's just there and still working, that's when you find out you're wrong!

My friend once told me that when you have stuff that are either needed repair or broken beyond any repair, you should have it fixed or just throw them out.

In my case that's not always what happens.

It would seem that I don't take good care of my stuff, especially my tech gadgets, but I actually do!! Either I forget to use them and I use them too much. In some cases I'm guilty to say I forget them. Just like this newest discovery.

It was given to me 2 years ago, I think, and since then I never actually used it. It stayed in my drawer...up until a few days ago when I was reminded of it and thought I'd take it out of the dark drawer. Unfortunately, my discovery led to disappointment. It's should be laid to rest. I'm now pressured that it may be discovered soon, I'm not too sure yet, (I'll let you know tomorrow). If not I must have an immediate replacement. Tsk Tsk...another hard-earned money wasted, Oh well.

So starting today, I'll start gathering up my stuff, throw the things that should be thrown and revive the others that are still useful.

Hey, it's just like the people in my life...Take care of the ones that are good to you and give you meaning and throw those who use you and drain you of yourself...Wow! I never thought of it that way...but it all makes sense...

Free Day

I was able to finally get some sleep after consecutive days of activities...I had fun but of course I just need to recharge a bit.

Can't remember if I was recharged or I just woke up for the purpose of waking up. Either way I wanted this day to be another day, without mistakes, hopefully.

I may be still in shock earlier, not disappointed but sort of clueless of my emotions. Just hate it when it strikes, and you had to start over. The only consolation I have though is that I don't have to start from phase 1 (though I almost was there yesterday).

And now, I'm left to be relaxed today. I was told that I need this stress-free day for myself, thanks.

In a way it wasn't as stressful things would be. I know I didn't have to, so why worry things that I'm familiar with?!?

Today....Again

Disappointments are stepping stones for improvement

and not stones that should pull you down.

A message that will haunt and should haunt me forever…until I’ve mastered my new self.

Write Eveyday...As much as you can

“The first thing you have to know about writing is that it is something you must do everyday”….

Quoted from The Year You Write Your Novel- (Walter Mosley)

I saw this message from an unlikely publication to draw my inspiration from....a junior copy of a Seventeen magazine's back issue.

I've been ranting for days of about the pressure of extracting all these thoughts to create an eye-catching,intellectual entry...only to find out that all I have to do just....start writing...Me and my old self?!

Update!!!!!....I finally got my internet connection working from home. With some ingenious luck I was able to figure out how to make it work. And unexpectedly, well actually I just forgot, that since its a dial-up it will be as slooowww as it can get...My my my...talk about old-school...Well it's better than not having one!!! Right?!?

*****

Yesterday was another get-together with the girls.We call it reunion, but it seems that it's not the word fit to describe our weekly meetings....But then again, it does actually feel like a reunion because we never fail to miss each other. Kuya came home from UAE, so there was a real reason for our night-out, besides I miss them anyway.

Dinner was as much fun as always. We're at Italiani's Trinoma, where I got lost coz it's packed with lots people, and dinner was not just for the eating part but the endless laughing and photo sessions. Next time maybe we should have a fund to give the waiters we ask to take photos of us. Gi2 took a picture of all kinds of ID's from almost everyone, the wackier it is the better. So I'll just be waiting for it soon.

During dinner we all thought we also have one of those bday singing like the other tables. Someone asked the waiter about it and when Nora came back the waiters started singing with their free ice cream dessert for Nora. And what was nice was she even joined the four waiters and started dancing herself. Everybody was laughing so loud, that it was a good thing the manager didn't throw us out.

I left early because my friends were picking me up for a continuation of the booze session. We got back to the studio around 2am. I was sooo sleepy I didn't join them for our nightly netbook session. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to sleep anymore coz my shift is 5am

After work my officemate and I had lunch, chatted and went home. I was sooo prepared to get home to rest, suddenly my dear friend called me up and will be picking me up again. Oh wow!

Here's the funny part...Last night we were just at QC...then this afternoon we were still in the same area as last night. We're planniing our Wheatgrass bonding that's why we went to Manila seedling for our materials for project and had lunch in the area.

I'm awake and on the same location for 24 hours.

Had fun these past days, weird they would seem but it still was fun.

So now, I'd be going to bed for this awaiting rest time....Till tomorrow. Nighty night

If yesterday was a tiring day...??? Well today is nothing compared to what happened yesterday!!!

We're glad we're just hanging out, but our day ended around 9pm.

The unending search for my friend's netbook and accessories where
the main treasure hunt for us. It took us at least 3 different malls to get everything together.

No night-out for us all, just hanging out, playing with our Netbooks....


More update on this tomorrow..promise

In The Midst of Storm Kiko

August 6

What a day it’s been! Just got home from work. Imagine, I left home around 3pm and its 10pm now. That means I’ve been gone 7 hours.

I’m battling with my thoughts right now, on what to create that would be blog worth. I’m pressured to do this everyday, not mainly because for it to be my personal journal but more of an exercise. I wanted it to flow naturally, not because I’m like being graded on it.

Now that I have my Netbook I can store it for a while then upload it the next day.

I shouldn’t be ranting on this now, when I have stuff to share, but it just bugs me right now.

Well so much for that…I can prove that I mean business now. If I’m reminded again of this I could prove them wrong, that’s a promise!!!

I have several stuff on the works right now. My spirit lately have been on a soaring mode, sort of inspired, hoping I can do this. I’m left on this alone, well not totally alone, but mostly I’ll be doing all, as in ALL, the works to make it a success. I don’t mind the dirty work, it’s the talking part that I need a lot of guidance. Sure I can talk, but on a conversational kind; the business part that sounds conversational – that’s what I need practice from.

The Day Cory Left

Today, August 5, marked the solemn day our country has witnessed, since the 1983 funeral of Ninoy.

It’s 9:15pm now. I started turning on the TV as early as 8am, I think, just before the start of the mass. Still wished that I could be physically join the march, but wanted to watch every moment of it.

It must have been a different feeling when you’re there but what I heard from the homily and the stories shared by the closest people of Tita Cory the main thing I learned is the devotion and friendship she had shared with everyone.

Tita Cory made me feel proud again to be a Filipino. I wish all of us will feel that again and be able to show that we are.

As I was watching the homily, I couldn’t help but cry. We’ll sorely miss her and we think it will be hard not to know that for every rally or occasion she wont be seen for her support and guidance. I may not personally know or met her but her spirit is so strong that Tita Cory affects all.

A Woman of Strength

I know this blog is for personal journal, but before that I want to offer my thoughts about Pres. Cory..

It was a shock when I found out she passed away last Saturday. Sad and happy for her and her family. Sad because another great person has left the country to be in peace up in heaven, who's become an inspiration to all, and at the same time happy because, what like everyone is saying, she will be with God and her beloved husband..

I was just lucky earlier today that her procession was passing by my office, and I was just in time to cross the street to get near to the convoy. It felt great that,even on this solemn time her spirit awaken a lot.. Confetti showered the streets and everyone chanting her name, it was like the 1986 all over, though this time I'm more aware of it.