damn that thing

I've been trying hard to stay away from all the insi winsi drama in my everyday...to the point that I had to make up a story...

It worked, believe me...I fooled everyone, including me, for weeks. It was a success. It gave me a bright outlook on things.

The inspiration was the greatest thing I ever thought of. But will it be the thing that would let me sink also?

I could write all kinds of poetry about it, but nothing can conceal the true emotions I have now. I won't stop what i started, maybe just tone it down a bit. Besides, I was the only player in the game I got my self into, I had no opponent anyway.

Hello?...phone

I Want A New Phone!!!! I need to have a new phone!!!!

Eversince I lost my phone, my beautiful phone, I have not looked for another one. Well not that I have not looked around but due to unavoidable stuff I wasn't able to fit it in my budget. But now that my old phone's camera gave in it's time to really think of getting a new, reliable, functional, affordable phone.

Really need it soon...For sure it could divert my attention, especially now that I'm kinda sad (I'll go through it later). I know it's kinda pathetic but eversince that was taken away i felt a bit paralyzed, well yeah that's just drama but hey that phone & I went through a lot and have been to places with me...I miss you phone...We'll see each other soon...in another lifetime maybe....but for now I reall have to have a new one.....

....you thought I'm done.....

I found sanctuary in my temp office, lesser electricity, more productivity. But there's one more thing why I chose to stay there most of the time.

Remember I said I was dealing with my own stuff? Well I'm not alone on that. I guess the lesson learned here is that "I really don't a problem at all!!!"

I learned to be more patient with myself, and if there's a problem I deal it with a more clear head. I stay out as much as I can coz sometimes I can't stand the energy revolving around. I was told numerous time that all I need to do is this or that, but sometimes the people who give you advice can't use it themselves.

I have been stressed in dealing with my workers lately (at least just one worker), then I go home and try making good conversation, only to end up listening to tons of rant (much worse than mine). I understand that the situation that person is in is very hard, even I would feel the same way. But ranting even the littlest thing on tv, or a personality or the size of the food sold at fast food makes her irritate....that's a different story. I would always hear heavy breaths numerous times, or her banging toilet seat, etc. Every where she looks she looks at it in a bad mood.

Maybe I should just listen and just be a friend, and not contribute or ask question that might irritate her or remind past situations?... Okay maybe I'll just do that.

.....and there's more!!!

(Thanks to the owner of this)

I had to do something about my happiness....

Yes, it was like a crisis, not knowing how to feel happiness and let it stay there. I did device a good scheme though, only the scheme is turning into a more beautiful thing.

I am making a dream, a-make-believe, but it's not a dream, it's real. The more I interact the more simple things become meaningful. It came to life, on my part, at least. Sometimes it seems like an obsession, I always look forward to my everyday, making it my fuel in case my day doesn't turn out the way I hoped.

The simplest, the corniest ways are so important to me, even when they seemed I only pretend I don't care. But I do.

The corniest moments are just a cover-up for me, but means so much after. I got noticed with my little actions, may it be conscious or not, I get commended. (smile...sigh)

If only I can understand this...if this is acceptable...now I don't care. No one knows this(except 3 friends)...but when it comes to the real deal I told no one.

Never thought a simple smile would turn my day nice.

That's why I never stop smiling now...ever since I was let go.

It's my fuel that got me going through my days, and always looking forward to the next day.

Until where this will lead? No one knows...I will sure make a mark, and I'll make sure it will be a nice mark.

August Na!!!

Yes....and next week it will be half of the month already.

It's been such a bumpy ride, this past 2 quarters and I will never forget them, and will learn from them, but now my focus is my life!!!

After my unfortunate incident my life really turned around. A lot have changed and I don't get to often see my friend, most calls for important stuff, but no more of our usual-casual talks. I did went out with him and our other friend 2 fridays ago (I think) and that was it.

I was advised to look for another work and leave this part-time I have. I am considering it, I couldn't leave it yet though, reasons: health card and other benefits...Hopefully I will get a job with the same benefits, and more.

I'm almost done with the renovation in the building, still had it's minor problems that can be solved, but I was so stressed with time I have. One of the workers got sick so the work took a bit more time. I had to go back and forth for some materials that's needed, even tried saving up my budget only I spent more (just a bit, until I get computations fixed). I still haven't found the perfect workers yet, though this one working now (the one who got sick) is ok, you just have to watch and guide him.

So my plan was put on hold for the meantime, but by next week I can start again. I don't want him to think I'm not taking everything seriously since he don't make "pakialam" my life now, still I'm living under their roof.

And lately I haven't been using the office, I'm staying at the admin's office most of the time, which actually is more convenient for working, there's an extra table here beside the window (meaning I'm using the office now), ventilation is good, I can concentrate even if the radio is on. I can get used to this....