Afloat.....again

I'm at a lost now.

By this time my transition should have been improved since that unfateful day.

It's seems I still fell short. By now I should have learned to uplift myself, pick myself up when I fall, but it seems that that was not was happening still.

I need to keep my spirits up again. No matter what. I made a mistake, again, but I cannot give up again.

Early today I had another episode, this time a nightmare. I cannot breathe, no voice is coming out of my mouth, and I was paralyzed. I grabbed hold of my medallion prayed as much as I can.

Could it be another sign from the Almighty, reminding me again that I have been given so many chances, and even lives, to correct my ways. Or maybe the next time it happens GOD will be not as forgiving as he was before.....

Feeling on my own

I just had a discussion with a friend.

It started as like a fun conversation, but then I blurted out about what happened yesterday the mood changed and he ended up putting the phone down.

Now, I'm blaming myself that I even got myself into the mess I was the other day. I thought sympathy will be given to me, only it lasted a day...not even 1 whole day. It's like I'm alone now. I know people sent their messages and all but somehow I feel alone.

I wanted people to comfort me but that's not what their getting from me, instead they're getting a stiff, strong person who can take care of herself.

What do I have to do?.GOD did what He can to protect me. Now, I'm left to deal with my trauma, and the fact that I'm in denial that I'm scared.

It's all about ... My Life

They say when the moment comes that your life will be taken away, whether natural death or accident, your life flashes before your eyes.

Mine did not.

I was busy thinking how I can fight back, the people I'll leave behind, that I'd be late for work, or the most shallow one is my face getting scarred. Most of all, I fear for my life.

I did. I got scared. It was the most surreal moment of my life and I wasn't able to defend myself. I wanted to scream on top of my lungs for help, but no one was there to help.

I was still lucky, my guardian angels were still guiding me, and GOD protected me.

I thought being mugged only happens on tv, or if in real life, would be in places where it's dark. Our area had its share of incidents...but never had I imagined that I would also be a victim on a harmless morning off to work.

I was still lucky I only had couple of bruises from the momentary struggle and hit on the back, worse that could happen is if tried saving my stuff and getting hit on the head, shot-dead, or being taken in the get-away van, get raped & killed.

Until now it hasn't sunked in fully, maybe I'm looking for the reaction other people felt when they were victimized, the shaken-traumatized feeling.

I am not liked that. I can still joke, I'm functioning normal...but the incident is still in my head very clear. I'm in my "iyak-tawa" mode.

People close to me were all supportive and glad nothing worse happened.

I know I'll get through this. Life must still go on, normally.

My life is not yet over.

I have to be well.

I have a lot to do first to make myself better.

Thank you GOD...for always protecting me and always sending your angels for me.

Thank you Mother of Perpetual Help, Our Lady of Guadalupe, St. Benedict and St. Michael...